Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ladies, Engineering Won't Bite

Our third semester is starting very soon and I honestly cannot wait to get back to the repetitive schedules and tiresome lectures. Fine, I just can't wait to meet the juniors. Pleeeeaaaase let there be more girls this year!!

Oh you didn't know? Apparently, engineering isn't the most popular career path among women these days and hence the dissapointing number of female undergrads registered into our courses every single year. Take our batch for example; out of 73 undergrads enrolled into our mechanical engineering course, only 3 were female. And according to our seniors, the worst numbers in the faculty, ever.

It even came to a point where whenever we strolled pass the women's toilet at our faculty, we actually pointed our fingers and laughed at it. Yes, the scene here can get pretty desperate:

(A girl takes a step onto the faculty)

(100 metres away...)
Ben: Shhh, did you hear that?
Adrian: Yes.. *sniff* *sniff* I smell it too.
Ben: Come, we must hurry.
Adrian: Yes, we must.

I mean really, really, desperate:

My coursemate's latest Friendster bulletin

Come on ladies! Show us some pity, especially to him *points to the top*.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I Am Tired Of Being Alone

I miss being in a relationship. Yes, I know what you guys would say:

The just-got-in-a-relationship: I am so lucky! No no no, I mean WE are so lucky!
The just-broke-up: What's wrong with you?! Why?! Why would you want to put yourself through that kind of hell?!
The never-been-in-a-relationship: (While holding PlayStation controller) Wait, let me complete this level.

Funny thing is, I kinda envy those who had never been in a relationship before. At least they had never felt so abundant one day and then so hollow the next. At least they had never been brought up so high up into the clouds and then forced right back down to earth. At least to them, loneliness won't feel so... lonely.

But then you can always count on your friends to lend them their support, be it your girl-friends:

June: Are you still single?
Ben: Yes, I am. Can recommend me some of your friends ah? Haha.
June: Cindy: 012-XXXXXXXX, Kelly: 016-XXXXXXXX, Bob: 019-XXXXXXXX.
Ben: I was kidding! ... Wait a minute, you have a girl-friend by the name of Bob?
June: Oops, too soon huh?
Ben: ...

or your guy-friends:

(Walks past a hot girl)
Ben: Woah, that chick is hot.
York: (Screaming) WHAT BENJAMIN SEW? YOU LIKE THAT *pointing* GIRL AH?
Ben: !!!

In both scenarios, I do have half the mind to grind myself a sharp knife, weld it onto a wall and run myself into it, repeatedly. ... It's in both scenarios too, that I realise I'm not really that alone after all.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The 3rd Rudest City In The World (Day 7)

Went pasar malam-ing at 4pm yesterday. I know, the sun is still up so technically it's not really a pasar malam, more like a pasar petang but then who calls them that anyway? It's day-ism I tell you. Come on, up with the picket signs and the thousand men march! Wait a minute, why can't it be the thousand women march? It's sexism I tell you! ...

The sun was scorching hot and you can see it in everyone's sweaty faces that they just want to finish their shopping quick and get the day over with. As my mum and I were making our way from stall to stall through the crowd, suddenly, right in front of our eyes, two men bumped into each other (shoulder to shoulder) rather violently:

(After bumping into each other)
Man 1: I'm so sorry.
Man 2: No, it's okay. I didn't see where I was going.
Man 1: On the contrary, I was the one who didn't see where he was going.
Man 2: To make up for it, let me buy you dinner.
Man 1: Oh but you are too kind.
Both: ...

(Man 1 & 2 proceed to lock lips)

Since the release of the recent Reader's Digest Survey, you'd think that is how people here would actually start acting just to prove the survey wrong. But sadly enough, this was what actually happened:

(After bumping into each other)
Man 1: Poookaaaii! Didn't you see where you were going?
Man 2: Hey, you shut the fuck up! It was so obvious that YOU had to move aside!
Man 1: So it's my fault now, huh?!
Man 2: Your fault that you were blind AND stupid? Yeah it is!
Man 1: You dare?! Come on, right here! Right now!

(Stares each other down and then walks away)

Just like how New York came up
top on the list because, "Since 9/11, New Yorkers are more caring. They understand the shortness of life.", why can't this survey be like a wake up call to the KL-ites or to the Malaysians in general?

Monday, June 26, 2006

Feeling Sorry For My Ass

It has already been a week since I've been here in KL and I honestly can't remember the last time I've ever done so much sitting down in a 7 day period before. I feel sorry for my butt, I really do:

(One day..)
Ben's Ass: *Gasps for air* Damn it, it's about time you got up from the couch! Oh great, you're gonna take a nap. You know you gotta start.. *muffled sound*

(An hour later)
BA: *Gasps for air* You're awake! You know what you need? Sports! Basketball, football, swimming, I don't care. ... And you're walking to the couch ... you're not listening to me, are you? *muffled sound*

(An hour later)
BA: *Gasps for air* Please *cough* no more... What is this? You're walking out the door! Hurraaahhh!!! *Shakes booty left to right* ... Oh no, no, anywhere but there!

(Toilet door slams!)

TV, nap, shit. Lather, rinse, repeat. Yep, that pretty much sums up my whole week here in KL. I guess I would be doing the same things if I were to spend my semester breaks in Tawau but you know la, all the hype about the hustling, bustling KL city life, spending the entire day shopping and clubbing the night away at Zouk's...

Can't help but feel left out of the whole scene, no?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I Am Sepet

Here's a slightly exagerated scenario:

(Undergrads are all rowdy, lecturer walks in)

Lecturer: *SLAMS TABLE* Can't you see that your lecturer has entered?! You people don't even deserve being called undergrads! You all have no idea how lucky you are to be in this campus, no, even in this class! Now SIT DOWN!

(Undegrads quietly take their seats)

Lecturer: Now let's start off with today's lesson. *Notices my classmate sleeping* HEY YOU! Wake up!
Classmate: Huh? *Wipes drool of his face*
Lecturer: Does this lecture hall look anything like a bed to you?! What would your parents think if they saw you dozing off in class while they work their asses off to fund for your education?!

(Environment becomes tense. Ben pays more attention. Lecturer switches the lights off for a PowerPoint presentation.)

Lecturer: *Suddenly throws Ben a really mean look!*
Ben: ?
Lecturer: Right now at this very moment, YOU are officially the WORST human being in the world!
Ben: ??
Lecturer: It's not enough that I yelled at your classmate, now you?! *sigh* You know what, forget it. CLASS IS CANCELLED! *Walks off*
Ben: ???
The Whole Class: *Looks at Ben*
Ben: OMG! What?!

Apparently my small eyes and the fact that the lights were turned off made the lecturer think I was asleep. But I feel la, it's mostly the
light's fault. Yeah...

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I Bribed Kenny Sia

If you still haven't known yet, last week, I shamelessly nominated myself to be in the running for the Best Malaysian Blog Awards (No. 75) and Best Asian Humour Blog (No. 12). Ok, now I go jump into a river of pirahnas.

Haiya why not right? The awards thing only happens once every year and plus this site could use some good publicity. As long as my blog appears on the voting page, a click or two would be guaranteed. So to kinda seal the deal on the whole matter, I've decided to rasuah our very own Malaysian judge, Kenny Sia.

My rasuah letter (Click Image To Enlarge)

I sent the mail smiling. "He Malaysian, he will sure accept one!", I thought to myself. Then 5 days letter, the man himself replied:

Kenny Sia's reply to my rasuah letter (Click Image To Enlarge)

Not only did he NOT accept my bribe, he had the nerve to call my bribe proposal CUTE! Cute?! Imagine if:

(Ben got pulled over for speeding)
Police: Aku dah mau tulis saman ni..
Ben: Ok, ok. (Inserts RM5 into a random pamphlet and hands it over to the policeman)
Police: Haha, "cute nya". Ok la, aku tak saman engkau.
Ben: ...

(Ben going for a promotion)
Reviewer: Ben, it looks like you're the most likely candidate for the position of VP.
Ben: Thank you sir.
Reviewer: I wonder how we could be really sure you'd get the job.. Hm..
Ben: -Understood- I've only got RM5 on me right now.
Reviewer: Haha, you're cute.
Ben: No, I can get more this afternoon.
Reviewer: Oh you misunderstand, I think you're real cute. Come over my house tonight and we'll talk. *Licks lips*
Ben: ...

Oi, anyone can give me lessons of bribbing ah?

Friday, June 23, 2006

The Friend Who Got Neglected For Some Girl/Guy (Personal)

You know how it is, he/she could be your bestest best friend in the whole wide world. For the girls, you'd have those memorable slumber parties and for the guys, you'll always have those nostalgic alcohol parties. Both of which, you would share everything from intimate secrets to the most darkest fears. You two were inseperable!

Then in just a split second, *snap*, a pretty thing comes swooping down into the picture and flies off with your best mate. There you have it, the greatest story ever told. Then comes the million dollar question, who is to blame in this whole scenario?

Ayo so obvious. Of course it's the fella who walked off on his/her best friend la. He/she should be smart enough to divide time between the significant other and the friend ma! He/she shouldn't have left the friend high and dry for some fella he/she "loves".

For those who gave the above response, you obviously haven't been in a relationship before. See the thing about relationships is that we are instinctively self-taught that girlfriends/boyfriends should be more closer to you than a normal friend (or vice versa). So of course you would try to spend as much time as possible with your significant other and naturally start neglecting other forms of human contact.

"Wa you spend more time with me than your friends. I am so touched! Ok now you can touch me."

But when you both do start spending a huge amount of time together and have done all there is to do together, the monster called 'conflict' lurks its ugly head. "Duck! Here comes the consistent naggings and painful verbal assaults." Your life suddenly feels more like a teen drama series as a new argument seem to arise between you two every single week. THAT is when your best friend steps back in to offer his/her advice. And if all else fails and you're being dumped, THAT is when your best friend steps back in to pick you up from the gutter.

Let's look at this from the friend's perspective. If you can forgive your friend for leaving you and just offer to help him/her through his/her relationship or (i'm stressing this word, OR) after they break-up, you're only really choosing to strengthen your own relationship with your friend. So instead of turning your back on him/her, why not just be happy for them and always be willing to help?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My Dad, The Pensioner

My dad is a pensioner. Being a civil pensioner is great here in Malaysia. See after you retire, you'll get 50% of your last monthly pay every single month till the day you kick the bucket. Unfortunately, my dad ISN'T one :( He has been in the private sector all his life and now that he is retired without any monthly income, he is finding any chance he gets to tembak us on our expenditures.

"No! You can't have a handphone!"
"Have to start eating bubur already!"
"Why do you need an mp3 player for?!"
"How are you spending RM1000 per month?! Budget!"

So imagine how he reacted when he saw this outside the balcony:

Dad: Since when do we have four mops?!
Mum: One for balcony, one for living room, one for our room, another as a spare.
Dad: Why do we need four mops for four different areas? You think mop no need money one ah?!
Mum: Oh ya, why leh? *Scratches head*
Dad: *&^%$#*&@

I better graduate and start earning some income for this family quick before my mom buys herself four washing machines and gives my dad a stroke.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Driving Around Kay Elle

I've been doing some driving with my Dad around the PJ area yesterday to fetch my sister to school and to run some errands in an effort to familiarise myself with the KL roads. The only thing I got familiar with was this conversation:

Ben: Where is this place?
Dad: What?! You just came off this road 2 minutes ago!


Come on la, I'm a small town boy who is so used to driving in 2 lane roads which are rarely congested and not filled with motorcyclists swerving in and round traffic. Driving around was easy and less stressful. Over here, sudahlah got 4 lanes and always congested, dunno why must got so many roundabouts, bridges, flyovers, exits, tolls, waaaa! It's so easy to get lost here!

Driving around here would be so much easier with a radar or somekind, you know like this:

Gotta love them video games

Anyway, I must persevere. I am going to move around like those crazy KL taxi drivers by the end of this week! Watch me :)

Monday, June 19, 2006

Messing With My Baby Sister

In the living room, after dinner:

*loud fart*
Sis: ...
Ben: You didn't hear anything!


Sis: *sniff* *sniff*
Ben: You didn't smell anything either!
Sis: Can't believe I'm related to you.

Come on, we all love messing around with our younger siblings right? Or at least miss doing it :)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The Whites Will Always Be Better Than Asians Says Hollywood

To make up for my previous post (I can't act natural in front of a camera or a microphone) I am posting another topic today :)

I went to watch "Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift" yesterday (who in the Malaysian blogosphere didn't). My review? It was a fairly watchable movie. No real "Wow" factor in it. Haiya you know la the plot to me is like everything in a good movie. FF was literally throwing cars and babes directly at you to blind you from the shallow story line.

But what ticked me off the most about the movie was of course the 'great white protagonist defeat evil asian villain' plot. You know:

- White trash gets exiled off own country
- White trash ends up in an asian country
- White trash gets into a fight with the best asian driver/fighter/athelete
- White trash looses
- White trash learns EVERYTHING from a local elder in a montage
- White trash defeats the best asian driver/fighter/athlete
- White trash gets a statue of himself erected right in the middle of asian country

It happened in a lot of movies e.g. Karate Kid, The Last Samurai and this installment of Fast & Furious. What we asians take years to master, the whites (the worse bunch of them) can easily learn in a week. So fucking degrading, no?

My First Audio Post

My first attempt at audio blogging. To those who know how I really sound like in person, you are NOT allowed to view this post! God I hope I won't regret this. Enjoy:

When A Hungry Man Writes A Food Log

I've always wanted to write a food post like this and this. The camera lights reflecting the gravy that's oozing all over some scrumptious looking meat, damn artistic and yummy. So yesterday, when I had my 5 course dinner with my family at the Windmill, I brought along my camera to take a snapshot of the dish I'm having. This is what happened:

(Food arrives)
Ben: Food! *Bites* *Munch* *Burp!*
Ben: Oh ya, camera.

My charbroilled steak, you should have seen it.

I can't help it! I've never had western food in like 6 months! So I tried to set things right again when we went for a chinese restaurant dinner today:

Tiek Pan Tofu (upper left), Ling Mong Zhi (upper right) & Ma Yao Yu (middle). You should have seen them all.

How do you food loggers do it?!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Horse Riding In UTM

The results are in and guess what I got for my co-curricular activity next semester:


Ben: Wanyean, I got equestrian (horse riding).
Wanyean: ...
Ben: I'm going to call my horse Wanyean.
Wanyean: ...
Ben: Then I'm going to ride it around your hostel.
Wanyean: ...
Ben: Round and round and round..

Next sem, I will look so damn cool riding like this!:

Come let's ride into the wind!

Wanyean pula hoping I'd end up doing this the entire sem:

Horsekeeping, Horseriding / Tomato, Tomatoh

But I doubt it. It's nice to see your friend Wanyean jealous isn't it?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Going Back To KL & Then Some

I'm finally going back to KUALA LUMPUR this Saturday! If everything goes according to plan of course. 19 days of lecturer-less, assignment-less, deadline-less semester break holiday, here I fucking cum! Oh.. oh.. *wipes crotch clean*

As exciting as it sounds, one reason makes me dread semester breaks; PACKING. To make matters even worse, we're moving hostels (3km away from previous one) next semester. So we each have to actually pack AND move about 6 boxes of clothing, books and more books before we return to our hometowns.

*Sigh* It's never smooth sailing over here in UTM so why bother getting all worked up about this one little thing, right?

On a slightly more happier note, this afternoon, after an entire day spent hunting for boxes (for packing), we went yam cha at McDs and this funny conversation came up:
(Don't know Adrian & Kim? Read the Characters post!)

How are you going to move your stuff tomorrow?
Adrian: My good roommate will help me one!
Ben: Yes, yes.
Kim: No Ben, forget your roommate. Think of your banana friend first, help me.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Adrian: Ah, then I don't fetch you (Ben) to faculty with my motorbike next sem.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Kim: Don't worry Ben, I got car.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Adrian: Ben, ben, you want food? *Makes clicking sound*
Ben: Yes, yes.

Oh look my self-dignity being run over by a four year old on a tricycle. Yes, yes.

This Malay poem written by my friend Darlene is cool!


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Local Undergraduates Losing Respect

When the first Malaysian university, Universiti Malaysia was founded, there was so much hype about it. Even high school students who managed to further their studies there were given the title, Mahasiswa or Great Undergraduate. You were really treated like adults. You were allowed to do your researchs and roam the campus as you please. Education was fun and carefree. Back then, it was great to be a Great Undergraduate.

As the years pass, the term Mahasiswa was downgraded to just Siswa or Undergraduate. I mean it's understandable right? One reason is that entries into local universities are getting easier because scoring As in SPM or STPM is becoming a piece of cake. So much so that it isn't whether you could score As, it's how many As you can actually score. What's the most recent one? 17As? Siao.

Another reason is that some students who feels that the Malaysian education are holding them down prefer to further their studies abroad. Students who know what's good for them and dare to change, there goes our real futures of tomorrow. To rub even more salt into the wound is the introduction of matriculation colleges letting any tom, dick and harry gain easy entry into our local Malaysian universities.

The quality of local undergrads have greatly deteriorated over the years and the university staff knew that. That is why they are starting to control their undergrads with all kinds of silly restrictions and curfews. Adult privilege? HA HA FUCKING HA! Just recently, I found out that we don't even deserve the title, Siswa anymore.

Pelajar of course means Students

I will not be suprised if 10 years from now we would all be forced to stand up in attention and greet the lecturer, "Selamat Pagi Profesor" during the start of every class. Then he'd sit us down, "Murid-murid, sila duduk". Yes, murid-murid.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Betting On World Cup

Betting during the World Cup is like Mahathir lashing out Badawi's reign; they are both are sure bound to happen. I for one haven't betted on any matches yet. Actually, I don't think I'm ever gonna because I'm that guy who thinks that Roy Keane is still captaining Manchester United and Gabriel Batistuta is still playing for Argentina. But my friends did:

(After the japan/aussie game)
Ahmeng: Hahaha! RM10 babe!
Kim: Nooooo!
Ahmeng: Want to bet on the czech/usa match?
Kim: Don't want! You cheat me one!
Ahmeng: *Wide grin*

(Meanwhile in another room)
Friend: Stupid Jap morons! What were they doing?!
Ben: Let me guess, you betted too.
Friend: Yala! No worries, I'll try to win them back on the czech/usa game. Please don't tell my mum about all this ok.
Ben: How much did you lose?
Friend: 2 packs of maggi!
Ben: Hah...

(A few minutes later)
Ahmeng: I have a problem la Kim.
Kim: What?
Ahmeng: I just don't know..
Kim: ...
Ahmeng: what to do with your RM10! WAHAHAHA!!

Gotta love them World Cup after-shows :)

The Characters post updated!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Undergraduates & Parking Spaces

It pisses me off that undergraduates are given a parking lot like 1km away from the faculty when the staff gets a parking lot right in front of their offices.

I mean, I wouldn't mind if they really mean it is for kaki and tangan only:

A really screwed up parking lot

But seriously, give us a break. We deserve those car parks in front of the faculty as much as you guys do. Starting and ending the day with a long tiring walk isn't exactly study-conducive.

Pity us...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Starbucks Can Make You Gila

Just a while ago, halfway through my frappucino in Starbucks, I suddenly heard screams coming from behind me (my back of course facing the entrance). At first I didn't care too much to look since it is a Sunday and parents with their noisy kids are probably crawling all over Jusco.

The scream at one point seemed to be continous. Curious, I took off my headphones and turned around to have a look. Ack! There, I saw a poorly dressed crazy man shouting gibberish at the Starbucks baristas! Instead of being scared, the patrons including myself, found it amusing and smiled all the way.

I bet everyone was imagining what Starbucks did to make him cuckoo.

(Cuts to dream sequence)

Here's a man desperately trying to make ends meet while supporting 3 kids and an alcoholic wife. One day, he stumbles upon this nice looking coffeeshop.

Man: I would like a cup of coffee please.
Barista: That will be RM10.
Man: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!! *His wife dies of alcohol poisoning, all his kids runs away from home*

From then onwards, he would pay a visit to Starbucks every single day and by screams and shouts, he would tell them how they made his life so worthless.

And every night you would see him under the old bridge, squatting there with his arms tightly clutched around his legs. He gently rocks himself to sleep while staring hard at the RM10 coffee he so nicely bottled, hoping that someday.. someday..

(Ends dream sequence)

I bet we all go a little crazy when we pay for that RM15 frappucino. Don't you?

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Some Who Find World Cup 2006 Uninteresting

Trying to follow the World Cup 2006 event from inside UTM is hard what with the 12am curfew and all. Lucky for us, Kim has a TV Card. Unfortunately for us, Kim, the game nut, doesn't like football.

Ahmeng: World Cup, World Cup! Going to start already oh Kim!
Kim: Wait, let me complete my Diablo mission first.
Ahmeng: (Rips off Kim's cd-rom and throws it off the window) WORLD CUP!!
Kim: (Rips off Ahmeng's eyeballs from its sockets) MY GAME!!

Me, I'm not really that crazy over the whole football thingy either. I love to play football, no doubt about that, even more so when I came here to UTM. But when it comes to watching 22 millionaires running up and down a field chasing after a measly ball, well that's an entirely different story.

(During the Germany/Costa Rica game)
Ben: I am sooooo bored. How long has it been?
Ahmeng: 60 minutes.
Kim: Aiyo, I could've completed 2 quests already!
Ahmeng: You typical asian gamer nerd.
Ben: I could've written 2 long posts on my blog already!
Ahmeng: You typical asian blogger geek.
Ben & Kim: ...

People who don't enjoy watching the World Cup are so uncool.

City Boy (Personal)

Ever since I could I remember, I’ve always dreamt of living in KL, the city life for the city boy! Every year without fail, my family would take a trip down to the city. Sure we have relatives to visit or friends to see but the main purpose will always be to visit the great city.

The development; I’ll never tire of them glass buildings, shopping malls and skyscrapers.
The shopping; Choices, choices, choices.
The lifestyle; rush, rush, time is money!
The entertainment; Clubs, pool halls, cybercafes, bowling alleys, romantic spots, national events!!
The work environment; only the strongest survive –flexes muscle-

The chicks; yummy  The mindset; Open-minded!

Despite living and breathing Tawau air since I could remember, I’ve tried so hard to groom myself, to prepare myself for this city life. I’ve learnt to act, think and talk like a city boy. I was so determined that I convinced myself, I do not belong in the Tawau ‘dump’. … I can’t speak chinese… I am a fast learner of everything you throw at me, I live in a chinese speaking town and yet I can’t speak chinese. I’m coming clean so listen good, it’s not that I can’t speak chinese, it’s more like I DON’T WANT to speak chinese. I guess by not learning chinese, I would be able to say, I don’t belong to Tawau and instead belong to the city where people converse in the international language! (Everyone put on their judgemental faces! yes…)

Coming to UTM, I thought it was my chance to get to know some city folks. Yay! Finally, I can start putting my skills into good use and blend into the crowd I most fit in. One month later, wouldn’t you know it, I end up with the small-town group. Well I did achieve my main goal, I did blend into the crowd I most fit in…

All that talk about the city being the awesomest place in the world, where the people are awesome, the food are awesome, etc. I guess I just craved a significant change so badly in my life that choosing the most antonym version of Tawau as my ideal habitat and to be as un-Tawau like as possible would force a change in myself.

Why do I want to change so badly? Do I have an attitude problem? Do I need more friends? Am I not studying hard enough? Should I participate in more cocuricullar activities? I’d hope by changing, I would be able to find answers to all my these questions (and a lot more).

I’m not a city boy. I’m just a boy who is constantly looking to change for the better, aren’t we all?

Friday, June 09, 2006

Pasar Malam, God's Greatest Gift

I was bored today. So I did what most of us would do on a Friday evening:

Pi Pasar Malam!

I have a tendency to overspend (who doesn't) when I go on a trip to the pasar malam. Since everything sold there are priced around RM1, you tend to buy something from each stall and end up spending RM20 at the end of the day. No wonder they have this pasar malam thing only once every week, if not Malaysians all pokai.

And it's so easy to shop here. No bargains, no government tax and no quality selections. Just pay the man and there's your food! Back to basics as they say. And this is the one place where your index finger comes to good use.

Accompanied by the word, "Satu", you're all set to go pasar malam-ing! Come, watch and learn.

Waaa, so much food!! *Ben's mucus sprays all over the air!*

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Welding Scares Me No More

Welding. I almost peed in my pants when I heard what module we were having today. Wanyean's post contributed a little to my fear. Blinding lights and hot sparks flying all over your face while you're trying to join two metal pieces.

I don't want!

So I stayed up the whole night before trying to craft up a viable excuse to well, excuse myself from attending the welding module:

"Dear Technician,

Thank You"

But then I am a good boy at heart (an audience vomits). Er.. as I was saying, I just couldn't bring myself perform such an immoral act (an audience bleeds from his ears).

FINE, I didn't have the guts to do it! So after a brief demo by the technician, we started on our work. And after doing two or three trial welds, everything came natural to me! YES! I am the welding king! Forget dismantling car engines, this is definitely up there at the top in the "MANLY" category.

This is cool!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Stereotypical Malaysian

Mom: Where you going?!
Asian Kid: I'm going out with my buddies, mom.
Mom: NO! You finish your homework first!
Asian Kid: Done.
Mom: You dare talk back to me? *Gives his son a good ass-whopping!*
Asian Kid: AAAAAHHH!! *sobs*
Mom: You grow up to be good engineer and earn many money!
Asian Kid: But...
Mom: Then I found someone for you already, you marry her when you 25 years old, ok?
Asian Kid: *sigh*

Do you find this conversation somewhat familiar? Ok, maybe not all asian homes sound like this anymore but most of them still do. Some say it's the main cause of stereotype traits in asian children today. But I beg to differ, though my parents are considerably liberal in the way they brought me up, I still manage to possess A LOT of those stereotypical asian traits.

I am:
1. Quiet (To authority)
2. Docile (I can learn anything you want me to)
3. Submissive (Ah ok la!)
4. Passive (Just smile and nod)
5. Obedient (Yes, yes, yes)

And I'm sure most you do. Maybe it is the influence from society. A society that tells us to keep quiet and not question ANYTHING. A society that tells us to work hard to "catch up to" (copy) every single foreign technology in the world. A society that will ISA your behind if you try to make even the slightest compelling argument about our government.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Dealing With Annoying Passengers

York just got back from his hometown today. On the way back to campus, after fetching him from the bus station, he kept boasting about how he sat beside a chick for both trips to and from his hometown. Lucky bastard.

Anyway, he even complained about how the bus ride was very uncomfortable with both girls. One had a stomach problem and kept leaning on to York's side of the seat the entire trip. Another girl kept bonking heads with York because their heads fall on the same side as they sleep.

He asked us what we would do if we were him and we all gave our answers:

York: I was thinking of slowly bumping her to her side, but that just mean la.

Kim: Mean? You tell her, "Oi, I also paid RM13.30 for this bus ride! Move aside bitch!"

Normie: You can go into a sudden hysteria! Put your hands up in the air then cry, "Tim Kai?! Tim Kai?!" (Why?! Why?!)

Kim: Oh so you want to scare her is it? You could light one of those mini Malaysian flags and repeat loudly to yourself, "soon, soon"

Ben: Haha, or or you wrap your arms around her neck and say, "Halo, leng lui" then give her breast a good squeeze.

Everyone: ...

Ben: I'm sorry, I'll be quiet now.

The Characters post updated.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

This Coffeeshop (Personal)

At precisely 3am, you would see a man sitting at the corner of this coffeehouse staring outside the window, his whole body remained still and the only thing moving would be his fingers. It's as if he is trying to count the number of stars in the moonlit sky, and when there are no stars that night, he would count the number of passer-bys. And when there are neither stars nor passerbys, he would count the number of closed shop lots right opposite the coffeehouse, 13, they never change.

Nah, I'm just guessing, who knows what goes on in that guy's mind. He looks outside so much it makes you wonder why he never chooses to sit at the tables prepared out in the open in the first place. Maybe watching the world pass him by behind a glass window gives him a sense that the world, for one brief moment, is actually revolving without him. Don't you sometimes feel like you want to pull yourself away from this world of rat races and social politics just for a little while?

Again, I'm just guessing, who knows what goes on in that guy's mind. He has his shirt still neatly tucked in and his neck tie slightly brought down a little. It baffles me why he's still in his work attire. I mean it's not like he's having an after work lunch or dinner, it's 3am in the morning! He always leaves the coffeehouse at around 6am. Maybe he purposely dressed like this earlier so he can go directly to work right after his 3-hour late night coffee break. Time is money right?

I didn't guess this time. I knew I was just.. lonely. I mean he! He was just lonely..

Friday, June 02, 2006

My First UTM Guard Rant

One day, four friends including myself were on their way back from a long day of partying and getting drunk with 20 other virgin women dinner outside. As we passed the UTM guardhouse, the guard stopped us like this.

Then, the UTM guard immediately pointed to the guy in green (ME!) and exclaimed:

He interrogated me for almost 5 minutes before passing me off as UTM student. Walao, got 3 other guys inside the damn car why you don't ask for their IC? There's the driver, the guy at the passenger seat and the guy behind the driver and you pula go choose the one at the far corner of the car?!

What's worse is that he didn't even bother look or question the other 3 guys in the car! It's as if I had a sign on my forehead that says "I am an outsider, anything else I say is a lie". SIBEH TULAN!

I went back to my hostel all fumed up and immediately screamed "UTM GUARD TAK GUNA!" for all my hostel mates to hear.


Thursday, June 01, 2006

Sabah vs. Sarawak

This right here, this post made my day. If I woke up one day feeling suicidal because I've finally came to a realisation that my existence had no meaning whatsoever, I would just read this post and I'm on top of cloud 9 again. I mean with excerpts like these:

"I'm not saying that Sabahan are bad peoples but they are the cheaters and always looking for sex with our (Sarawakian) girls."

and this:

"The factors which is contribute to this phenomena is most of Sarawakian male just have motorbike or motocycles, out of 10 male, 7 are "drunken master", lack of money availability, and some just want to finish their study as fast as possible.."

How could you not love it? Beware Sarawakians, we're out to hump your girls!

Ouch, I can feel my sides splitting already..

I Can Do Sports, Serious!

Kim: Where are you going after this?
Ben: I'm going to play basketball!
Kim: You mean watch them play?
Ben: ...

Ahmeng: Jom football!
Ben: I want to play!
Ahmeng: (Looks at Ben from top to bottom) The goalkeeper position has been filled dude.
Ben: But I thought we're not playing with any goalkeepers in a small field?
Ahmeng: Right...

Normie: Hah?! You sure you can swim? I mean, you can sit on me while I swim if you want to...

I don't get it at all! Everytime I mention about wanting to play a sport, people will start looking at me funny and burst into laughter. I mean do I really that physically incapable to perform any sporting activities? Maybe I do look slow and lazy but I just don't know it. So I took a proper picture of myself and reviewed it. Nothing.

Then I decided to ask for a second opinion. I handed my picture to Normie and Kim and asked them to list out every physical flaw I have that leads them to think I can't do sports for shit.

I gave them this. Nothing wrong right?

In return, they gave me this:

Eyes = Small; Cannot aim.
Fingers = Short and stubby; Cannot hold on to the ball properly.
Arms = Short; Cannot perform blocks and steals well enough.
Body = Long; Can store a large amount of fat and still be slim (No use).
Legs = Short; Cannot run, cannot jump, can't even paddle far enough.
Height = Short; Ben, you are S-H-O-R-T. Get over it.


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