Saturday, March 31, 2007

Rain (Personal)

Stupid weather.

At times like these I wish we were living in one huge snow globe. The glass would cover up our entire planet, separating us from the clouds. Aargh!

I look at the flooded roads and I see myself and the rest of the gang taking a drive down to the city looking for some fun. I look at the drenched basketball court nearby and I see myself doing a towering lay-up over some six footer. This is depressing. I turned around to look at my bed hoping to see myself in it. At least it's the one thing I can physically do right now.

Nope. I don't see myself in my own bed. I even tried seeing myself running at full speed towards a wall, slamming head first and then falling unconsciously onto my bed. But no. My imaginary self just stood there and gave me the finger. Just goes to show how much I hated myself for already taking that 3 hour nap.

I want to go out! I NEED to go out! I was on the verge of screaming my lungs out but before I could, a giant flash of lightning struck the empty piece of land nearby. And just like how my house's electricity supply was immediately cut off, I was also quickly subdued.

"I've been hearing you complain about the heat for the past week. I give showers of water and you still have something to say?!" Daddy nature was furious. I sat back and obediently allowed him to do his work.

Nice weather.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Cat On My Window

I spent the whole afternoon reformatting my computer AGAIN. It isn't a virus attack this time. I accidentally messed up my registry with this tweaking software recommended by Before I knew it, my whole computer took 10 minutes to start up. Aargh. I'm a sucker for the word 'tweak'. Tweak, tweak, tweak. Like a birdie.

Speaking of animals, while I was busy reformatting my computer, a certain something quietly snuck into our room:


The cat got equally shocked when it saw us jump off our seats and scream like little girls. In fact it got so scared, it quickly shot for the windows. Now, see here's the problem. One; Our windows were closed.. and two; we had window bars.

Our new window ornament

The cat got stuck there for 15 whole minutes. All the while, it was scratching and struggling to free itself from the bars. The scene itself wasn't as funny as you'd think it would be because while it was frantically manoeuvring itself about our window, it was also shedding a lot of fur which polluted our room's air space! And that's not even the worst part:

Kim: Do you smell that?
Ben: ...
Kim: The cat shat on the windows!

Fur was flying all over our room AND it stunk so badly! The cat must go:

Kim: So what should we do? It will surely scratch us if we even come an inch close to it.
Ben: Here I got a broom.
Kim: Good idea. We'll slowly nudge it off the bars.
Ben: What? Hell no. The cat shat in our room. I'm gonna beat it to death.
Kim: WHAT?!
Ben: Don't worry, I'll thrust the broomstick right through its mouth into his throat to break its vocal cord so it can't scream. THEN I'll beat it to death.
Kim: ...
Ben: I'm kidding.
Kim: Give me the broom.

The cat quickly broke free from the bars and jumped off through the open part of our window before we could do anything. Sigh. I wanted to beat nudge it so badly with the broomstick.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Ben The PMS-ing Girl

The weather is so unbelievably hot here in Skudai. I'm taking almost 10 showers a day now and trying to move as little as possible. I feel like a newt. A lazy newt. Newts are already lazy so that would make me one really lazy newt. The heat is so unbearable it's making me damn moody too:

(Conversation with Kim)
Ben: I am so hot!
Kim: No you're not.
Ben: I meant the weather!
Kim: Oh, yeah it is pretty hot.
Ben: Let's go outside.
Kim: That's a silly idea. It's even hotter outside.
Ben: But I'm already so hot inside!
Kim: No you're not. You're neither hot inside nor outside.
Ben: I MEANT THE WEATHER! Stop being annoying! It's already hot enough outside and here you are trying to be smart?! Gawd, I feel like smacking you!
Kim: Sorry.
Ben: I am so HOT! Aaaaargghh!
Kim: I know.
Ben: I KNEW YOU THINK I'M HOT! I bet a lot of other people think I'm hot but they don't want to tell me because they're afraid my head might get too bloated up or something. But you're a witness, I'm here, I'm not doing flips or cartwheels or somersaults!
Kim: Well no, you're not that talented.
Ben: Shut up!! Just (sobs) just SHUT THE FUCK UP! I AM talented. It's just that I haven't found my niche yet. I haven't found my one true calling yet. I did try.. I did try my best in everything I do but I always, always end up being mediocre. I tried my best.. I.. I really did..

Kim: .....
Ben: I'm hungry.

What is up with the weather?!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Ego Destroyed

Two days ago, we went to meet a senior regarding a membership in a club. When I introduced myself, it seemed that he already knew who I was. Problem is, I have no idea who he is:

Senior: Ooooh so YOU are Benjamin!
Ben: Yeah, have we met?
Senior: You're from the mechanical engineering faculty!
Ben: Er.. yeah.
Senior: You're from Sabah!
Ben: Yeah..
Senior: You love to play DOTA!
Ben: Dude, I am impressed and at the same time incredibly freaked out right now.
Senior: I know your hometown friend, June.
Ben: Oh I see.
Seniors: She told me a lot about you.
Ben: ...

(Two days later, I met up with June)

Ben: Hey, I met your senior friend.
June: Oh yeah, he told me.
Ben: Why are you going around campus telling people about me?!
June: Actually the topic of you came up while we were talking about our hometown friends. There were some girls at the table too so I thought I'd say some nice things about you.
Ben: COOL!
June: But..
Ben: But what?
June: The day after he met you, we met up for lunch and he sorta told me.. er..
Ben: What did he tell you?!
June: He told me, "I met your friend, Benjamin, yesterday. He wasn't as fit or as handsome OR as articulate as you said he was."

A little part of me died that day.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Club Politics

Today will be forever known as the day I got off my lazy ass and joined a society. Well it was about damn time! I have been hesitating to join a club ever since I entered uni because well, I never had ANY sweet memories of joining clubs. Everytime I do, I would get really fed-up with all the politics and backstabbing that goes on in there:

(During a club meeting)
President: I propose we sell flowers at the student car park to raise funds for our club.
Fund-raising Director: [I 100% agree!]
Treasurer: [Stupid idea. We don't even have the financial model to purchase the flowers.]
Public Relations: [Who would wanna buy flowers at this time of the month?!]
Program Director: [Actually that's not such a bad idea. It's quick, simple and easy.]

President: Well the room has been silent for about 30 seconds now.. So what do you guys think?
Members: (still silent)
President: Ok fine we will do the flower selling thingy.
Supporters: [Yeah! The president is so smart!]
Objectors: [Stuuuuppiid! It is time to overthrow the president!]
President: So you guys ok?
Members: Yes.

Because everyone were too afraid of being shot down by the President (or even worse, fired) they kept quiet and just agreed to whatever decision he/she makes no matter how crappy it is. That's when everyone starts taking sides and things go downhill from there. Politics are ugly.

I have seen two of my friends who have been best buds for 5 years, throw chairs at each other during a club meeting because of a pent up disagreement. Sigh. I hope things will be better in this club.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Descendents Of Monkeys

(It was 5pm, the lecturer noticed all the tired faces in the class)
Lecturer: Ok, I know some of you might have problems keeping up with the class because well let's face it, it's not a good hour to conduct classes and you guys are tired. So...
Mak: Class is cancelled and we can all go back?!
Whole class: (Roars in unison)
Lecturer: No.
Whole class: (Sighs in unison)
Lecturer: We are all going to pray.
Whole class: ...
Lecturer: As we all know, a prayer will soothe our soul and clear our mind. That way, you guys can regain focus in the class.
Let's all recite a prayer to our creator.
Whole class: ...
Lecturer: Who is your creator?
Mak: Our mothers.
Whole class: HAHAHAHA!
Lecturer: Nono, that is your maker. Who is your CREATOR?
Mak: Er.. God?
Lecturer: Why the hesitation? Don't you believe in God? Don't tell me you believe in Darwin's Theory?!
Mak: ...
Lecturer: Darwin's Theory tells us that humans are evolved from monkeys. Do you want to be associated with a lower class creature like that? DO YOU?!


Mak: No?
Lecturer: NO!!!!
Mak: No..
Lecturer: (Nods) Yes.

I find it offensive. I personally think that there are some truths to Darwin's Theory and it's just unfair for her to discard it as plain nonsense.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Airbag Tester

This happened back in KL while I was driving a friend around:

(While driving)
Friend: Woah, your car has an airbag system.
Ben: Yeah.
Friend: *Slams the dashboard*
Ben: What are you doing?!
Friend: It doesn't work.
Ben: That's not how it works!
Friend: But it says 'airbag' right there. *slams the dashboard*
Ben: Stop it!
Friend: *slam! slam! slam!*
Ben: WOI!
Friend: You should get your car checked.
Ben: I should get YOU checked.
Friend: ...
Ben: ...
Friend: *SLAM!*
Ben: Sigh.

Seems that it wasn't Darlene who did the above. I forgot who :(

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Magician In Me

I'm sure most of you guys know about this simple trick where you make a coin disappear in one hand and then reappear again at the other. Here's a more graphical explanation:

Magicians are particularly known for being masters of misdirection. That is why to me, it would be taking to it like fish to waters:

(In class, waiting for the lecturer)
Ben: Hey Mak, wanna see magic?
Mak: No.
Ben: Those who despise magic have no soul.
Mak: I love magic. I just don't want to see YOU perform it.
Ben: Well I'm going to do it anyway.
Mak: Sigh.

(Ben pulls a coin out of his pocket)

Ben: Watch closely. *does the part where he grabs the coin and..*
Mak: Wait. Show me the other hand.
Ben: ... No.
Mak: You didn't actually grab the coin, did you?
Ben: Yes I did.
Mak: Show me then.
Ben: It is against the laws of magic.
Mak: You are full of shit.
Ben: You're making a mockery out of magic! You have angered the gods of magic! SMITE HIM! SMITE HIM!!
Mak: Ssshhh! People are looking! Ok fine, fine finish your damn trick.
Ben: Remember when I grabbed the coin with my left hand?
Mak: Yeah but you didn't actually grab it.
Ben: Yes I did. Now watch. (opens the left hand) It is gone... MAGIC!
Mak: ...
Ben: Now for my next trick, I shall make you disappear.
Mak: I'm moving.
Ben: Ta-da!!

Maybe I'll just stick to blogging. Here's the trick revealed.

Monday, March 19, 2007

That Damn Underwear

Normie's girlfriend celebrated her 22nd yesterday night. Now her birthday was extra special because most of her coursemates are GIRLS and since UTM didn't have a proper open space, they decided to throw the party at OUR house. Everyone was extra gentlemanly that night. Adrian cleaned up the house, Kim helped out in the kitchen, I actually refrained myself from cursing. We had our game ON and the girls seemed to be having a great time. Well.. at least until they saw this hanging in the kitchen:

Girl: OMG! Whose boxer is that?!
Ben: [Shit, I forgot to take that down!] Er.. I have no idea.
Girl: That's so disgusting. Leaving their underwear hanging around like that.
Ben: Yeah, downright sickening. I think it's Normie's.
Normie: WHAT?! None of us here owns a pair of boxers besides YOU!
Ben: Ok fine it's mine but I don't wear it. It's just an old cloth that I use to wipe dirt with.
Normie: Oh really? *grabs the boxer and wipes the spilt Pepsi on the table*
Ben: NOOOOOOOOO!! That's my favourite pair! Now I have to wash it all over again you dick!
Everyone: ...
Ben: I mean, I need to wash it so it's clean enough to wipe ANOTHER dirty table.
Normie: We should cut this in half so we'd have two pieces of cloth.

Twelve girls I just met called me 'Taifu Man' throughout the remainder of the night. They thought it was funny. Someone kill me.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

300 & Paintball

After two hours of staring at thousands of macho men with their perfectly sculpted bodies, wielding their swords and shields around like blood thirsty hounds, I felt grabbing my a sword and shield myself and annihilating some Persian ass! 300 was an inspiring movie. So inspiring that whenever the Spartans grunted after cutting someone's arm off or yelled out their war cry, I felt like shouting along with them! Guys go out and watch it!:

(After exiting the cinema)
Ben: Spartans! ROAR!
Kim: That was the coolest movie ever!
Ben: Wielding swords and chopping of limbs, commanding troops and yelling out obscenities. Uargh! I'd feel so at home on the battlefield!
Kim: Well we're going for paintball later.

Later that day, we went for paintball:

(During paintball: Whistles blows, game starts)
Ben: Yeah! This is SO like 300! Let's go!
Kim: Hey wait for me!

(Ben gets shot)

Kim: Are you okay?
Ben: No I'm not okay! It hurts so very bad. -sobs-
Kim: Okay that guy isn't looking. Let's go forward and attack him.
Ben: I don't wanna.
Kim: Come on!

(Ben stands up and immediately gets pelted with 3-4 paintballs)

Ben: Aaaaoouucchh!! I'm bleeding all over!!
Kim: No you're not.
Ben: We're going to die. I don't wanna play anymore. -sobs-

I'm never playing paintball ever again.

Friday, March 16, 2007

We Are So Cheap

(Four of us at McD)
Adrian: I can't believe nobody here bought a drink.
CK: A cup of Coke in McD costs RM3.00 whereas it only costs RM1.20 at a vending machine.
Adrian: But RM3.00 in McD is for a large cup.
CK: A large cup is equivalent to one and a half can of Coke which adds up to RM1.80. It's still expensive.
Ben: You are so cheap.

(The waiter, an Indian lady in her late 40s, walks by carrying the refill jug)

CK: Hey, refill refill! (Points to Kim's empty McFlurry cup)
Waiter: (Chuckles) I can't pour into that.
CK: Yes you can~
Waiter: But it's dirty.
CK: So get a new cup and pour into it. Heheh.
Waiter: Oh.. (smiles) ok.

(The waiter walks away and returns shortly with an empty cup)

Waiter: (Pours into the cup) Don't tell anyone, ok?
CK: We won't. Hihihi~
Waiter: Hihihi~ (walks away)
Ben: You just flirted with an old lady for a free cup of Coke.
CK: No, I didn't.
Ben: You giggled.
CK: Ok so I did. Just be quiet and drink the free Coke.
Ben: You are so cheap.
CK: *places the cup of Coke in front of Ben*
Ben: *sips*
CK: ...
Ben: I feel so cheap.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Internet Addicts

Yesterday was Adrian's birthday. The plan (as usual) was to present him his cake and then torture him at the stroke of midnight. But on 11.30pm, the internet connection at home died. Now this happened a few times before and what we usually do is restart the router. Unfortunately, after restarting the router for the 100th time and realising that there could be a problem with our ISP, we all just sat in front of our computers and quietly stared at the screens. Yes folks. We were mourning.

CK couldn't level up his MMORPG character, Kim and Normie wanted so badly to play DOTA and me, I just wanted to chat on MSN! Realising that there's nothing we could possibly do besides -gasp- studying, we all decided to celebrate Adrian's birthday early:

(Everyone gathered outside Adrian's room)
Ben: Ok the cake is lit. Shut the lights. You guys got the 'items'?
Normie: Nylon rope.
Kim: Rotten eggs.
CK: Candle wax.
Everyone: Muahahahaha!!

(Opens Adrian's door)

Everyone: (Sings) Happy birthday to..
Adrian: Hey guys! The internet is working again!
Everyone: REALLY?! YAY!!
Adrian: What's this? Oh you guys remembered my birthday!
Everyone: ...
Adrian: Well go on, sing.
Normie: Just shut the fuck up and blow the damn candles. I wanna play DOTA!
Ben: Yeah the world doesn't revolve around you, you know. I have a life on MSN too, gotta log in NOW!
CK: I am so close to level 23! Oh, here's the stuff (hands Adrian the items) Go torture yourself.
Everyone: *Speeds back into our respective rooms and slams the door shut*

And that's us without just 10 minutes of internet.

Side Note: Sorry Christal, I couldn't do your tag for personal reasons :D

Sunday, March 11, 2007

That New Mamak Stall

Yesterday night while feeling slightly adventurous, we all decided to try out this new mamak stall that was quite a distance from our house. The food was ok but the waiter there was actually quite funny:

(While taking our orders. Conversations in Malay.)
Waiter: What do you guys want?
Ben: We're kinda new here. Can we have the menu?
Waiter: That wouldn't be necessary, we have EVERYTHING! Just name it and we have it!
Ben: I want a chicken burger.
Waiter: We don't have that.
Ben: But you just said you have everything?!
Waiter: We have everything except burgers.
Ben: Fine, I'll have a roti telur.
Waiter: We don't have that either.
Ben: What?!
Waiter: We have everything except burgers and roti.
Ben: ...
Waiter: So what do you want?
Ben: The menu.

Normie couldn't decide on what to eat so he ordered the stall special. Unfortunately, Normie wasn't wearing his specs that time and the stall special notice board was like 3 metres away from him.

Waiter: And how about you?
Normie: I think I'll have your stall specials. What do you have?
Waiter: Read. *points to the notice board*
Normie: (Squints) What's that? Ba.. bi.. kai.. lan.. BABI Kailan?!
Ben: He meant Baby Kailan! BABY Kailan!
Waiter: Hmph. Riiiiiiggghhhtt. (smiles and walks away)
Ben: My god.
Normie: What?
Ben: Whatever he's gonna do to your baby kailan, it's gonna be nasty.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

My First Bad Clubbing Experience

Finally I got out of the house during the weekends and as planned, we went clubbing! Besides the FFK-er though, there was one other hiccup in the plan. We wanted to try a new club that night and so we did. Now unlike the other clubs we've been to where people drink and then hit the dancefloor, in this new club people JUST DRINK. What's even more interesting is, they send (really hot) girls over to persuade you to buy MORE drinks:

(Two girls approached our table. The first one could only speak Mandarin.)
Girl 1: Hello there, my name is Florence.
Ben: I don't speak Mandarin.
Girl 1: [Turns attention to CK] Hello there, my name is Florence.
CK: My name is CK.
Girl 1: (Seductively) I'm thirsty. I want to drink whisky.
CK: Well then, good for you.
Girl 1: Haha~ You're so funny. Come on, buy me a drink.
CK: I can't.
Girl 1: Why not?
CK: Lady, I'm living on a student's budget of RM600 per month. If I were to buy us that RM300 bottle, I'd have to start eating maggi and bread till the end of the month and maybe even resort to diluting my car petrol with water.
Girl 1: Huh?
CK: I'm poor.
Girl 1: Haha~ You're so funny. Come on, buy me a drink.

That's when the other whore girl turned her attention to me. This one could speak English:

Girl 2: You can't speak Chinese?!
Ben: Er.. no.
Girl 2: You're a banana guy!
Ben: Yes I am.
Girl 2: If you're a banana guy, guess what am I?
Ben: You're.. an ice-cream girl?
Girl 2: Haha~ You're so funny. Come on, buy me a drink.
Ben: Yeah and together we could make a banana split.
Girl 2: Ha..
Ben: (Interrupts) I know I know, I'm funny and I should buy you a drink.

It's weird because they never used any other approach to get us to buy more drinks besides rubbing our shoulders and saying, "Haha. You're so funny. Buy me a drink." I mean, they have been doing this for quite a while, right? Shouldn't they have.. tactics? Anyway, after finishing our Heineken, we immediately spedwalk through the exit and on to the club on the other side of the street. It was WAAAAAYY better! Sobs. Wasted RM16 on the first club :(

Friday, March 09, 2007

FFK-ing Assholes

We all have those friends. Friends who get all sexcited when it comes to planning for a trip or maybe just a small outing. He'll always be the first to say something like, "Hey, let's go to a movie! Let's go earlier because we could go bowling before that! I am SO gonna beat you this time! And maybe after the movies, we could go karaoke! It'll be a fun day!"

But when the day comes, after you've skipped that one afternoon lecture and you're all jazzed up for the outing with your spiked up hairstyle and nicely ironed clothes, in comes the friend. He says he can't go. And he never gives just ONE excuse. No. It's elaborate like this, "I'm sorry guys, I can't go. I'm tired. I'm broke this week. Jupiter and Venus are more than 120 degrees apart."

Right after that, he makes it his mission to bring you down too with his weird-ass reasonings, "You guys shouldn't go too. It's a huge crowd today / It's gonna rain tomorrow / It's Stay-At-Home Day."

We planned hit the clubs tonight. It's been 2 weeks since we've been down to JB city. In fact, it's been 2 weeks since we've done ANYTHING during the weekends. Life was starting to bore here and with angpau money to spend, all signs point to, "DO SOMETHING AWESOME TONIGHT!". Tell me, what could be more awesome than dancing with super hot chicks the whole night through?

Plans were made, 6 of us were going. After waiting for a while, the 'friend' finally revealed himself. Now since there's 5 of us, it isn't such a big deal that he's not going but just thinking of the many times he stood us up, I just had to lash out at him:

(On MSN)
Friend: I can't go.
Friend: I am tired. I played basketball and went to the gym for 3 days straight. I mean, can you imagine how tired I am?!
Ben: Dude, I've been doing that too.
Friend: No you haven't.
Ben: I know what I have been doing.
Friend: Besides, why should we go out on a Friday night? It's better to sleep or play DOTA!
Ben: Enough, I'm not hearing anymore from you. Screw you.
Friend: ...
Ben: You go find the nearest dumpster, dig a hole deep enough so when you jump into it, you'll break every single bone in your body.
Ben: After that, call me. I'll come right over and pee into your mouth till you drown.
Ben: Then with the solid waste I've accumulated in my body for 3 days, I'll bury your corpse with my own shit.
Ben: Then for being so fucking smelly, I'll do the whole world a favour by pouring kerosene all over you and lighting it up with a flamethrower.
Friend: ...
Ben: Fuck you.

He didn't take me seriously. I need to hurt someone.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I Need To Learn How To Draw

(On MSN)
Darlene: (Sends a link)
Ben: (Checks out the link) Woi! What the hell is this?!
Darlene: It's a picture of a guy.
Ben: I can see that. Why did you send it to me?!
Darlene: Just wanna ask for a second opinion. Isn't he so yummilicious?! SO CUTE! Aaaargh, I feel like raping him!
Ben: ...
Darlene: Isn't he cute?
Ben: I will not answer that question.
Darlene: Why not?
Ben: Because it's unmanly.
Darlene: Chill la. You're not that 'man' anyway.
Ben: HEY! I will let you know that I am all about MAN over here! *flexes muscles*
Darlene: *Looks at Ben's flabby arms* What muscles?
Ben: Grrrr. Hold on. (Draws picture)

Ben: There, muscles.
Ben: What? What could be so funny about that incredibly seductive picture I just drew?
Darlene: Well for one, your muscular self looks more like a moose's head. And two,

Darlene: You couldn't even hide your fat while drawing your fantasy self.

My Problogging Dreams

(While waiting for lecturer to enter the class)
Mak: What are you planning to do after you graduate?
Ben: Anything but an engineer.
Mak: ... like what?
Ben: I don't know. Maybe I could make a living out of blogging.
Ben: How is that funny?
Mak: Making a living by keeping an online diary?! Come on. Plus I've read your diary. It's ok but not good enough to make a living out of.
Ben: Stop calling it a diary. It's a blog!
Mak: It's lame that's what it is.
Ben: It's funny, I'm funny.
Mak: It's not, you're not. Instead of jokes, you should write deeper, more meaningful stuff about yourself. Maybe then you'll be able to properly show off your writing skills.
Ben: It's boring. Plus I always end up contemplating myself for days after I do. I hate reaching in and digging deep. My soul is a dark and scary place.
Mak: (Scoffs) Yeah right, like how dark is it?
Ben: It is SO dark. So chillingly dark.. dark.. dark. But it certainly isn't chicken! (laughs hysterically)
Mak: ...
Ben: Told you I was funny.
Mak: I'm so glad you're taking an engineering degree.

Side Note: Mak, the class clown has been added into My Characters post. To Mak: I told you I'd do it.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Cool Guys Greet Like This

With the guys, when we're close enough, instead of the usual "Hello, how are you?" we tend to greet each other in a more friendlier manner. Take today for instance, on our way to class we bumped into Ah Guat who was studying at the faculty patio:

Ah Guat: Hello guys!
Normie: (Shows the finger)
Ah Guat: Why must you show me the finger whenever we meet around faculty? There are people watching!
Normie: Because it's cool.
Ah Guat: No it's not! We are university students, leaders of tomorrow. We should be good role models and act like civilised human beings. How would you like it if you saw our Prime Minister showing the finger on the news?

(Ben walks by)

Ah Guat: Hello Ben!
Ben: (Stops in front of Ah Guat. Shows both fingers.)
Ah Guat: Aaaw man.

Would be cool though to see Pak Lah flip someone off.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

It's Valentine's Day Again?!

(In the room)
Ben: It's the Chinese Valentines Day today.
Kim: Yeah.
Ben: I heard that single gals go out to the docks tonight to throw oranges with their handphone numbers written on it for single guys to pick them up.
Kim: I think it's a very silly way to pick up chicks.
Ben: Pick up an orange, get a soulmate the next day. I think it's beautiful.
Kim: Hmph. What do you think of Speed Dating?
Ben: Get to know 20 women in one hour. I think it's beautiful.
Kim: How about Vietnamese Brides?
Ben: A perfect wife for a reasonable price. I think it's beautiful.
Kim: Prostitution?
Ben: *Long dreamy sigh*
Kim: ...
Ben: What?
Kim: You need help, seriously.

I wanna go to the docks!! What if.. my soulmate's orange is left floating on the sea just waiting for me to pick it up and I DON'T! Kim is right, I DO need help. Someone please HELP ME get to the docks tonight! Soulmate dear, I am coming!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Mamak & Weight Watching

Adrian and I are proud to say that we've consistently attended gym 3 times already this week. Sceptics are getting worried that we might actually be serious about this body building program of ours. Yeah I said it. Body building. At first it was all about eliminating the tummy but after going to gym several times and seeing the many other gym goers with their super sized pex, I felt.. small. It ain't a good feeling.

It's also a little embarrassing to work your sets while they are watching. Seems like everyone in the gym is doing weights of 70-80kg. So when it's my turn to lift the weights and I set it to about 20-30kg (and grunt while lifting them), it feels like everyone in the room are about to burst into laughter and the only thing stopping them are their gigantic abdominal muscles that are pushing against their mouth. Sigh. That's when I swore in 2 months time, I would be so buffed up that The Hulk would see me on the streets and say to himself, "Damn, I am getting fat!"

The thing about this body building 'program' is Adrian and I have become more conscious of our eating habits. Two meals a day ONLY, no snacking in between, drink lots of water, consume more protein and calcium, this and that. We also made a pact to point each other out whenever we deviate from the said eating habits:

(Ben walks into Adrian's room, catches him snacking on Twisties)
Adrian: Er.. I.. was sniffing my food. Mmm~ smells good. Here you want some? I know you want to. Let this be our little secret.
Ben: Secret from who?
Adrian: Secret from our bodybuilder self. Quick, mine is sleeping.

Adrian is obviously having problems sticking to the diet. Things even got a bit complicated when we were out for mamak yesterday night for supper:

(In a mamak stall)
Waiter: What do you want?
Adrian: I want teh tarik, two roti telur and two roti planta.
Ben: Hey, we're not even supposed to be eating anything right now!
Adrian: Fine. Just get me a teh tarik and a roti planta.
Ben: (Stares)
Adrian: Just teh tarik.
Ben: Teh tarik is milky and fattening.
Adrian: What are you, my fucking dietician?!
Ben: But..
Adrian: Fuck you! This is a mamak session damn it. A MALAYSIAN CULTURE where people of all races gather to eat and drink fatty foods while watching a game of football on a huge ass projector! And YOU of all people, are not going to take that away from me! Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya..

Waiter: ....
Ben: Ignore him.
Waiter: And what would you like?

Ben: Just a glass of water.
Adrian: (Points) You are so un-Malaysian! Oi guys, BEN IS BUSH!

It's going to be a long and painful 2 months.

Side Note: A big thank you to Princess Shin for mentioning my site in her meme. Unfortunately, I try to avoid doing memes because I don't want to disturb the flow of my posts. Yala I know it's silly but... I AM a silly boy (smile) Don't worry though, I'll always take time to acknowledge them on my bloggie. So go visit Princess Shin's blog now!! Also visit Pinksterz's blog. She tagged me before too :D

Friday, March 02, 2007

The Worst Birthday Greeting Ever

Darlene said that seeing as I was a selfish meanie who thinks of nothing but himself, even something as simple as remembering a friend's anyone's birthday would prove too much of a task for me. Naturally, I was out to prove her wrong. Yesterday was her birthday:

(On SMS: 12.40am)
Ben: Happy Birthday Darlene! See I told you I'd remember.
Darlene: You're 40 minutes late. Bet you saw something else which reminded you of my birthday and quickly SMSed me.
Ben: I.. er..
Darlene: Well?!
Ben: I was staring at the night sky filled with millions of stars that were especially bright tonight. Then I knew, something great was happening right now. Something.. special. Then I felt movement in my bowels and needed to take a crap. That's when I thought of you.
Darlene: Aaaawww~ How sweet of you to think of me even when you're in the toilet. I bet everything went so smoothly that at the end of your crap fest, a flower popped out your ass.
Ben: Are you kidding?! I was suffering from constipation the whole way through! My anus was tightly shut and my crap all hardened to stone. I was so constipated that the toilet bowl said to my ass, "Stop thinking about Darlene already and FEED ME!"
Darlene: ...
Ben: Happy birthday.

Ok maybe she was right about the 'meanie' part.

Side note: Just Sewjin finally turns one. Check out how this blog started out.

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