Friday, March 31, 2006

The Library

(In the library's computer lab)

Ben looks left
Girl 1: What?! Computer crash?! My 10 page assignment! I spent 4 hours typing that crap! Noooooooooo! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Ben looks right
Guy 1: Hm.. that's not right.. this virus should be able to shut the entire UTM network down.. maybe if I reconfigured its main database..

Ben looks back
Girl 2: *Typing on monitor* -Dear Prof. Mahmad, I cannot have this sick affair with you anymore. I think my grades have steadily improved..-

Ben looks front (Gains telepathic ability)
Lecturer: They can't fire me.. Well then, I can finally put my explosives major degree to good use. They'll never know what hit them! Wahahaha!

Ben looks out the window
Girl 1: Goodbye cruel world! *Jumps off the building*

Nope. Nothing new happened today.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

404 errors

This is the best friggin 404 error ever!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Books and Dicks

(Discussion between 4 university students while walking to class)
Student 1: This question indicates that the Bernoulli Equation is needed to find the velocity.
Student 2: Then just substitute the answer into the Energy Equation and perform dimensional analysis.
Student 1: I see. So this two equations are only valid for Uniform Flow correct?
Student 3: Yep, since velocity does not change with...

(A hot girl passes them by)
Others: ...
Student 4: She make my pee-pee go..
Others: *Sings loudly* TOING-TOING-TOING!

We are educated. We are also just guys.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Rules & Regulations

(During a Uni Inter-Hostel Meeting in the Secret Chamber of Doom)
Chairman: My minions, it is time to make the lives of UTM students even more unbearable!
Person 1: Let's force them so stay inside the campus and eat our crappy food! *Thunderclaps!*
Chairman: No, we've done that already.
Person 2: Let's strip the first year students of their private transportation rights! *Thunderclaps*
Chairman: People! We need to be more creative here!
Person 3: Shouldn't we stop issuing so many new constraints on our students? What if they counter with a huge protest or start a riot?

*A shower of knives falls from the sky, continously stabbing Person 3 to death, Blood and Pubic Hair everywhere*

Person 4: How about a 12am curfew?!
Chairman: Excellent *Rubs hands together* MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
All in unison: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Then I wake up from my dream into a nightmare..

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Foreign Languages

I read in the papers once that compared to the Americans, we have a very big advantage in the language department. On average, a national here is able to speak 3 different languages (that not even including its different dialects). So we're like supposed to do better in the international business front because we're able to communicate with more people all over the world.. right?

A session in French class last week: (
Italics are in foreign languages)
Lecturer: So the questions asked during the oral exams are going to be real easy. For example, What is your name? Answer Ben.
Ben: I'm fine.
Lecturer: What?
Ben: Oh right sorry. I'm fine thank you.

It is not easy learning another language at such an old age. Then I suddenly realised why the Americans are still doing better than us in the business realm.

Closing a deal with a Japanese businessman:
Scene 1:
Jap: Before we close this deal, would you like to join us for some heavy drinking and have OUR lawyers take a look at YOUR papers?
American: What? I'm sorry I don't understand. Can we just close the deal?
Jap: Damn.

Scene 2:
Jap: Before we close this deal, would you like to join us for some heavy drinking and have OUR lawyers take a look at YOUR papers?
Msian: Yes.
Jap: What?
Msian: Oh right sorry. Yes please.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Go Away!

Last week, Tuesday and Thursday night:

*Knocks on door once*
Ben: Come in!
*Knocks on door again*
Ben: Fucker don't play la! Come in!
*Knocks on door again*

Ben: -Gets up from bed then marches angrily towards the door and opens it - WHAT?!
Evangelists: Hello, we are from the Holy-Everything-That-Is-Good Church. My name is Ken and this is my friend Brian. We would like to spread joy and happiness to you! *Showers of candy falls from the sky* (I swear you'll suffer from diabetes by just hearing them speak). Can we have 10 minutes of your time? (10 minutes evangelism time = 1 hour SI time).
Ben: I'm Hindu (That'll keep their mouth shut).
Evangelists: Oh.. ok then. Enjoy your afterlife in hell then you bastard. -Skips and hops to the next room while holding hands and singing "Jesus Loves Me".

Ok fine maybe I exaggerated some parts but I'm just saying, applying the McD way of 'If you can't come to McD, let McD come to you' idea to religion isn't a very good idea, no?
I don't know, maybe they think since we're juniors trying to adjust to Uni life, they could take advantage of our fragile little minds. Hmph!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Happy Birthday To Ah Meng!

Birthdays are coming in waves this month, I guess July was the ultimate fuckmonth for people in the 1984. (July + 9 months = March, get it? ... Aaah, you don't care). Anyway, yesterday's victim.. I mean Birthday Boy was Ah Meng and this time I have pictures! Yay!

-Warning, explicit material-

This is Ah Meng.. before..

Him after being forced to down a can of alcohol. Let the show begin.

Step 1: Immobilise the Birthday Boy. This took us 15 minutes. Birthday boy's been working out.

Everybody happy!

This really is nothing compared with what we're about to do next.

Finale: Dripping candle wax on his body followed by quickly rubbing the waxed area over with cold hard ice!

Happy Birthday To You Mr. 21. Moral of the story, undergraduates born on the 29th of February are the most happiest here.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Guess Which Country I'm From

Everytime I make a purchase at Jusco, the cashier would swipe my J-card across the cash register and the words, 'Good Customer' would appear on the screen.

Well it kinda feels good to be known as a 'Good Customer'. I mean that RM10 card is so so so much better than my Identification Card, where I bet if you swiped it anywhere in this country it would just read 'Second Class Citizen'.

I feel like I have a Lite version of my citizenship:

Limitations of the Lite version:
1. 3rd class medical treatment.
2. Little opportunity to do your tertiary education locally.
3. Little or no technical support from the government.

How To Upgrade Your IC To Pro Version:
1. Marry a Bumiputera.
2. Work for the government.
3. Get another citizenship (ANY OTHER citizenship).
4. Bribe (Recommended).

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Hot Hot Chicken Shit

Learning to play the guitar. My first musical instrument. Funny how I always thought I'd die a musical virgin.. or a virgin..

You know how during a Chinese funeral where relatives and friends of the deceased will burn material effigies like houses, cars and money in hopes that those stuff will be sent to him/her in heaven?

Maybe I should start origami-ing my perfect woman and kill myself right now. It would be much easier than spending time and money on some girl who might or might not fuck you or find a hooker and die a slow death from AIDS.

Damn I'm bitter today. Anyway, I hope this guitar thing isn't something I'll give up after 2 weeks or so.

First day of guitar lessons: 'I'm gonna play you forever and ever and ever'
Second week of guitar lessons: 'I wonder what the inside of this guitar looks like, only one way to find out..'

Monday, March 13, 2006

Happy Birthday To Ngage!

Just celebrated my roommate's birthday yesterday.. It's scary that 'Birthday' here in UTM is somehow translated to 'Torture'. Yesterday, we celebrated my roommate's birthday. 'Birthday' in UTM is somehow translated to 'Torture'.

Here's what happened, at the stroke of midnight, everyone gathers outside my me and roommate's room. One of them miss calls me and I open the door. 12 guys holds my roommate down, each grabbing a part of his limb and the following punishment were exerted on him:

1) Drip candle wax on his body.
2) Tickle him silly.
3) Rip his leg hairs off with celotape.
4) A horrible version of 'Happy Birthday' being sung by 12 half naked guys (I consider it a punishment).

He was then carried off to the hostel toilet where 2 packs of flour was poured all over him and 2 eggs smashed right onto his head.

I'm a Sabahan and I consider taking the last minute RM500 flight back to my hometown on my birthday, a damn good deal.

I actually have the video (3gp format) but you'll just have to wait until he disagrees my little 'proposal'. Can you say, blackmail?

Friday, March 03, 2006

Contact Me


About Me

A 25 year old mechanical engineer having fun with AutoCAD.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Top 4 things my hamster would say if it could speak:

4. I do stuff to your food and water while you're away.

3. I'm going to die a virgin.

2. Majibai.

And the creme de la creme:
1. Your roommate played with himself again today.

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