Monday, July 31, 2006

Sewjin Has No Soul (Personal)

Death is synonymous with decease, destruction and end. Basically anything that spells bad is synonymous with death. I guess that is why people feel grief and sorrow when their loved ones anyone passes away. In my lifetime I have attended two funerals and have known about two other demise in my community. One of which was the recent drowning of a 34 year old businessman in the UTM lake (I couldn't find any reports of it on the internet, do I smell a 'cover up'?)

The entire campus was mortified. The phrase "I can't believe someone just died here" was reiterated all over the hostel cafeteria like a sad fading echo. Fading because we all very well know that after 2 days later, nobody would even care to mention about the incident anymore.

Just like road accidents, death is just be a quick reminder that it could happen to you. You slow down to take a quick look at the wreckage while you moan and grief for a short period. And sure enough, you're back doing 160 on the highway. At least they slowed down. It's better than being that guy you see SPEEDING BY the road accident, that's me.

Even after visiting the lake that was surrounded by hundreds of undergrads and rescue teams, I felt nothing. Even when Normie told me that they managed to recover the drowned corpse while the parents all broke down and cried profusely, I felt absolutely nothing. Death besides being frightening and unwelcomed, is also inevitable.

The word "inevitable" is what's gunned to my head. When someone dies, it's as if death is informing me that it's just doing its job and tells me to run along to live my OWN life to the fullest. Worst of all, it also tells me to ignore it (death) because the only thing mourning does is slow me down.

That is why I could never express any sincere feeling of condolence. That is why I used the words, "I guess" in the first paragraph of this post. That is why Sewjin needs a soul.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

I Watched Two Movies In A Night.. At GSC!

We decided to take a trip down to Pelangi Leisure Mall to watch a movie right after the last class of the week. We didn't plan on what movie to watch so the trip was really just an excuse to get out of UTM or even Skudai for that matter. It gets kinda boring when the only two places I've been for the last 3 weeks besides my hostel is my faculty and that same damn hawker stall.

Kim, Wanyean and I wanted to watch Pirates of the Carribean (POTC) but most of the guys wanted to watch Dragon Tiger Gate (DTG). So in the end, we decided to watch both the movies. Dragon Tiger Gate, a movie about mythical martial arts was up first on our program quickly followed by Pirates of the Carribean, a movie about well, pirates.

I was already pretty tired from all the special effects and quick combat actions DTG threw at me. Come POTC, where the actions aren't as fast, that's when my brain started playing tricks on me:

POTC: Elizabeth draws out her sword and starts fighting off a hoard of horny drunk men.
Ben's Thoughts: Elizabeth draws out her sword, screams "The Dance of The Winds!" and starts spinning wildly around the room with her weapon, slashing everyone in sight.

POTC: Jack is gobbled up by a monster and dies.
Ben's Thoughts: Jack is gobbled up by a sea monster and "dies". His body is floated to a special pagoda where a monk will resurrect him and teach him the 'No Shadow Fist' move.

POTC: Captain Jack Sparrow finds out that he owes a blood debt to the legendary Davey Jones, Captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman. With time running out, Jack must find a way out of his debt or else be doomed to eternal damnation and servitude in the afterlife.
Ben's Thoughts: [Cannot understand.. too used to DTG's lack of plot]

POTC: Will, Elizabeth and Jack fights off Davey Jones' crew as they make their way to Black Pearl (their ship)
Ben's Thoughts: Will, Elizabeth and Jack unites to form a Super Saiyan and blasts Davey Jones' entire crew off with the Kame Hame Ha!

Ouch, my head.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Survival Instincts: When Humans Go Bad

UTM is populated with quite a number of highly qualified ex-engineers who are just sick and tired of the working world. So tired in fact that they were willing to leave their RM5,000 job for a RM2,500 lecturing career here.

They all have the same excuse of quitting their jobs then; "I am just done with office politics and back-stabbing". Without even asking, they would gladly preach for a whole hour about how the working world is a dog eat dog business and the only real friends you'll have in your workplace is.. none. One might ask, have they lost their trust in human beings entirely?

Our lecturer gave us a scenario and asked us to think about it:

(A lecture hall filled with 100 undegrads, suddenly a tiger enters the hall)
Whole Class: [Shrieking] -Rushing for the backdoor-
Adrian: The tiger is coming right at us!
Ben & Adrian: [Grabs Kim and punches him silly, immobilising him, then throws him to the tiger]
Ben: There that will stall it. Hurry, we've gotta get out of here!
Adrian: There's so many people I can't even see the backdoor.
Ben: I have an idea. We'll just maul all the girls aside because they're weaker. We'll make it outside in no time!
Adrian: Come let's do it!
Ben: [Knocks Adrian unconscious] There can only be room for one.

[After Ben makes it outside]

Ben: Girls, what did the tiger do to you all?
Ben: Kim! You're alright!
Ben: *sigh* Too bad Adrian couldn't make it.

When the situation gets tough, you can forget about being a trustworthy, well-mannered gentlemen. And when the situation does cool down, that's when you realise that all around you are just fake smiles and crocodile tears. That's the working world for ya folks.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

How NOT To Rent Out Your House

So what was initially a joke, now has become serious. We are already starting to look for a place to stay outside of UTM. The idea of coming home as late as we want, going online 24 hours and close friends being in a 10 meter radius is just too hard to resist. Plus it's much cheaper to live outside that is if you have good bargaining skills.

We visited our first house today. It was a huge three-storey semi-D with 2 master rooms and 4 single rooms. It isn't too far from the university plus it's nearer to the Skudai town. It was perfect. Unfortunately, it's too expensive (RM750/month) so we decided to put Adrian's persuasion skills to good use.

Adrian: Can't we get it for cheaper?
Renter: I used to rent this house out for RM1000 a month.
Adrian: My senior is renting a house nearby for just RM600.
Renter: I used to rent this place out for RM1000!
Adrian: This house has been empty for almost a year. Might as well let us stay in for a cheaper price rather than leave it empty and unkept.
Renter: Five years ago, this house costed RM1000 a month.

(Short pause)

Adrian: [Pulls a string located on the renter's back]
Renter: RM1000, RM1000, RM1000.
Adrian: *sigh*

The renter couldn't come up with any other excuse to stick to his selling price. At one point, he even reminded me of my pull string GI Joe action figure which would exclaim "let's kick ass" in 4 different phrases. Anyway, he was hopeless. Let's just hope we have better luck on our next house.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

English 101 At UTM

When Kim and I first entered UTM, we were so afraid of being the only non-mandarin speaking chinese (banana) in the entire faculty. A year later, here we are surrounded by chinese ed coursemates who would happily speak nothing but english to us. So what if their english are broken? I'm just glad we're not labelled as proud and ignorant and then shunned away from the chinese community here.

Plus, their english will only get better. Even Normie's vocabulary has somewhat improved over the past year. He still gets his 'he' and 'she', 'his' and 'her', 'mother' and 'father' mixed up sometimes but that's what we (Kim and I) are here for:

(In the car, discussing about living outside UTM)
Normie: I don't think my mother will approve of me staying outside.
Kim (Driving): Explain to her that it's a lot better than living inside.
Normie: I just don't want to ask for extra cash from my mother.
Kim: Why you keep mentioning your mom? Don't you have a dad too?
Normie: Yeah I do.
Kim: Let me introduce you to the term 'parents'.
Normie: Yala, I know. It's just that for some reason, 'mother' comes easier to me.

[Car suddenly screeches to a halt]

Kim: MOTHERfucker! This bugger never look before crossing the road!
Normie: See.
Kim: Damn.

Chinese Ed: 1
Banana: 0

Monday, July 24, 2006

Experience? Not For This Job

Everyone around me seems to be getting a part-time job even my roomie, Adrian, is giving some poor chap mathematics tuition once every week. When you think about it, it's really not such a bad idea. Just get any job that pays well and would only take up a few hours a week. And by the end of the month, there'd be enough money to waste down at Singapore! (Divided by 2 of course)

So with that idea in mind, I started paying more attentions to the many paper ads plastered all over the pillars and walls of the town of Skudai. I found this ad the most interesting:

(Actually Normie and I found that ad the most interesting)
Ben: Now this sounds promising.
Normie: It's a rip-off la. What kind of job pays so much without ANY experience?
Ben: Loan shark's assistant.
Normie: Male gigolo.
Ben: Bank robber.
Normie: Drug trafficker.
Ben: Dog walker.

[Awkward Pause]

Normie: How did you go from bank robber to dog walker?
Ben: I forgot about the "have to be above 18" requirement.
Normie: What does that have anything to do with robbing a bank?
Ben: It's illegal to rob banks below 18.
Normie: But..
Ben: Hey, I've got another good one. A rapist!
Normie: ...

Anyway, I don't think I'll be getting a job anytime soon. Besides the obvious language barrier (everyone in Skudai speaks mandarin) and transportation problems, I think I'd better enjoy my uni life to the max before I actually start working.

I answer my exam questions like this too. Like brother, like sister.


Friday, July 21, 2006

University Lecturer Opinions Rocks

On the first day of class, we (undergrads) were all warned that university lecturers are very different from high school where they spoonfeed you everything from exam questions to what you're having for lunch. All they do is provide you with basic information on a subject and you are required to do your own research at the library and etc. But one thing you are guarenteed to get from each of them (besides a grade) is their personal opinion on EVERYTHING:

(From movie reviews)
Lecturer: Has anyone watched the movie "Superman Returns"?
Lecturer: For those who haven't, I strongly advice you not to watch it.
Lecturer: It is crap.Lecturer: I do not understand why Lex Luthor always has to be the villain. I am so sick and tired of Lex this and Lex that, find another villain why don't they?
Lecturer: Same goes for the "Austin Powers" series. Dr. Evil, Dr. Evil, Dr. Evil. Crap!
Lecturer: Ok, back to lecture.

Apparently this one is a James Bond fanatic.

(To rants on the government)
Lecturer: The 200% tax that the government is currently imposing on all imported cars are just ridiculous. Helping the national car industry? Bullshit.
Lecturer: The only thing it does is eliminate any sign of healthy competition.
Lecturer: Hence, Proton Juara.
Lecturer: Hey has anyone been a jerk to you lately? Write their names and hand them to me. I'll just print "The Juara Design Team" followed by the list of their names then distribute them in flyers.
Lecturer: Guarenteed by the end of this week, each of them at least receives a black eye and a broken bone.

Apparently this one is a Malaysian.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Who Needs TV Sitcoms

It's been a week and a half since I got back from KL and things are starting to settle down. My fees are paid, all the necessary books and modules are already bought, and our timetable has also been finalised. Even our usual campus life routine has resumed; wake up - go to lecture - pop quiz - lecturer absent - pop quiz - replacement class - lecturer fail to show up again - return to hostel - basketball - shower - sleep.

I miss satellite television. It's like there's nothing interesting for me to talk about anymore. But then I'll always have these people:

(At the cafeteria having our dinner)
Normie: [Pushing the onions to the side of his plate]
Kim: Why aren't you eating the onions?
Normie: Onions make people fart uncontrollably.
Kim: The onions are mixed with the chicken. Do you think the chicken ended up on the plate because it farted uncontrollably?
Normie: [Stares blankly at his plate of Nasi Ayam Kicap]
Kim: Maybe its fart was accompanied by shitting, you know, since it is in fact uncontrollable. [Imitates diarrhea sound]
Normie: You suck.
Kim: You're eating chicken shit.

Always :)

Horse Said, I Said

Today I have done what very few Asians at the age of 20 have yet to do, I GOT A 'C' FOR MATHEMATICS, I GOT 'GROUNDED', I GOT LAID, I RODE A HORSE! As you all know, yours truly is taking equestrian as his cocurricular subject this semester and he friggin gets to ride a horse for the next 14 weeks!

Fine I didn't actually get to ride it on the first day but I will starting next week. Today we were only lectured on the basics of bringing a horse out of a stable and then fixing it up with a head collar. After that we each were required to walk the horse around a small field.

Me wanking walking the horse

I admit, I was scared to death. The thought of it suddenly going mad, kicking me down to the ground and then have it trample mercilessly on my balls *shudders* When it came my turn, I calmed myself down by giving the horse a rub on the nose and a pat on the neck. *sigh of relief* It likes. Once you start walking it, it's actually more relaxing than scary. It's like having a new four legged best friend, mind you I've only ever had a hamster as a pet (I like to squeeze it, I wish I could squeeze a horse.. and make it run a huge wheel). I got so comfortable, I even started chatting with it:

(While walking the horse)
Ben: I had a bad day today.
Ben: Didn't understand my fluids lecture.
Ben: *sigh* And I stuttered a lot during presentation.
Ben: You're such a good listener.
Ben: Are you a girl or a boy? [Looks below]
Ben: You know for someone twice my size, you have a very small penis.
Horse: [Kicks Ben down to the ground and tramples mercilessly on his balls]

The last part didn't actually happen but I was so afraid it could understand me when I told him its private was eenie. I would do so much worse to anyone who told me that.

I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left and it will be called "Bring back the porn". - Dr. Cox, Srubs

Monday, July 17, 2006

Meeting The Freshmen

So after 1 week of stalling, we finally met up with the juniors. As we were walking to the cafeteria, our meeting place, nobody said a word at all. Very weird la, since we should be all hyped up talking about how are we gonna introduce ourselves to the freshies and rag them and such. Instead, everyone was just smiling and daydreaming away. I wonder what we were each thinking of:

(Monologue walks a la Fear Factor)
Normie: [I really hope the freshies are worth saving up my past year books for.]
York: [I will mentally destroy them. Every single on of em']
Kim: ["Hello freshies! I'm your banana senior!" That's an awful introduction.]
Adrian: [Girls, girls, girls]
Ben: [Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. A pebble! So round and shiny. -picks up the pebble- I'll name you Pebby.]
Pebby: [Yes, take me home. Then while you're asleep, -slits throat-]

When we finally arrived at the cafeteria, there they were, all 10 of them waiting at a table. All 10 GUYS. Adrian cried. We all wanted to too. So after we shrugged off our dissapointments, we assigned each junior with 2 seniors (you do the math) and then had a brief talk with them. I teamed up with Kim, who constantly pointed out I was talking too fast that I was scaring the freshy:

Ben: HellotheremynameisBenandthisisKim. What'syournameagain?
Assigned Freshy: Ling...
Kim: [Whispers] Ben, you're scaring him. Talk slower.
Ben: Ling. I have a friend by that surname too but she's a girl. I guess it doesn't matter right since it's a surname and not a firstname. But I always thought that Ling was a girl's surname, even when you pair it up with the most manliest firstname like Butch, Butch Ling, it still sounds girly. Do you smell that? It's so smelly here. I'm telling you, this cafeteria would close down immediately if I was the health inspector.
Assigned Freshy: (Wets himself)
Kim: [Whispers] What's wrong with you?!

I have a problem. See, I get nervous meeting new people and I tend to speak a little faster than usual at first meets. I don't know why but it helps me to warm up to people. *sigh* Anyway, the meet up with the freshies was ok. The real orientation starts on Friday, that's when the real fun starts.

So many characters! Read here for help.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Why I Switched From Football To Basketball

I'm going to try out for my hostel's basketball team next Wednesday. Somehow, I don't think it is a very good idea. I know I have a very slim chance of making it into the team (height is everything in basketball) plus I had an awkward experience when I got rejected from my local football team back in Tawau:

(On the phone, I had the sniffles at the time)
Coach: Hello, may I speak to Ben?
Ben: Speaking.
Coach: This is your coach. I'm calling to tell you that didn't make the team.
Ben: Oh well, thanks anyway for giving me the opportunity to try out *sniff*
Coach: Ben, you don't have to feel bad about it.
Ben: Oh no no sir, I'm just down with the flu. *sniff*
Coach: You were on par with the other defenders who tried out. It's just that they've got more to offer to team you see.
Ben: Oh *sniff* *sniff* (oh gawd, my mucus is leaking out!)
Coach: [Sympathetic tone] Don't worry Ben, you can always try out for our team again next year. I'm sure you will improve a lot by then. Cheer up.
Ben: Sir I'm fine, really. *sniff* Mummy! Help me find my hankerchief, I cannot tahan already! *sniff*
Coach: You stay strong there! -Click-

I went to school the next day with all my teammates looking at me funny and trying hard to comfort me of the fact that I didn't make it into the team. Aaaah!! My ex-coach told them! I bet I became the team's inside joke too:

(Prepping before a match)
Coach: Come on team, let's destroy the opposition!
Player: We'll attack their goalpost till they start crying like Ben!
Coach: YES! Let's make them weep like Ben the Crybaby!

(Team goes on to win 8-0)

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why I switched to basketball at 16. Let's just hope I don't have to switch sports again next Wednesday.

The latest post by my baby sister. She blogs a lot like me don't you think?

It's Just A Book, Not A Passport!

Went to the faculty's main resource centre today to get some modules (simplified version of textbooks) recommended by our lecturers. When we got inside the office and asked for them, the person at the counter told us in a very arrogant tone, "Kamu pergi tengok notis kat luar, baru kamu balik dalam sini!". Somehow, I thought I saw a steel rod stuck between his jaws. That's probably how high it got shoved up from his ass.

Anyway, this was the notice:

Kepada pelajar yang ingin membeli module;
1. Pejabat hanya dibuka pada jam 1-2pm dan 5-6pm SAHAJA.
2. Pejabat hanya dibuka pada hari Isnin hingga Khamis SAHAJA.
3. Isnin dan Selasa hanya untuk lelaki dan Rabu dan Khamis hanya untuk perempuan.
4. Jika tutup, sila jumpa Pn. XXXX atau En. XXXX (No contacts given)
5. Isnin hanya untuk Melayu, Selasa hanya untuk Cina, Rabu hanya untuk India dan Khamis hanya untuk Orang Asli.
6. Pelajar dikehendaki memakai baju berkolar pada hari Isnin, baju-t pada hari Selasa, baju sukan pada hari Rabu dan berbogel pada hari Khamis.

Now guess which rule I made up. Sadly enough, this semi-exaggerated notice doesn't seem exaggerated at all right down to the 'bogel' part. The offices here have introduced us with SO MANY silly dress codes and random break times that it doesn't come as a suprise how absurd some of rules are.

Like who actually deals with the office staff these days, right? Introduce more rules la! We can always resort to other means like going backdoor (lecturer's help) and forgery (photostating from other sources). Note that I'm just talking about obtaining a RM6 book! Imagine applying for passports or getting government approvals, oh wait, we do the same too.

Yes-sir-ee. We are trained to forget about following procedure and instead find 101 quicker ways to go about it. *sigh* In case you're still wondering, I made rule 3, 5 and 6 up.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Reality, The Source of Nostalgia

Today my friends and I were chatting about how we miss high school life so much. Each of us tried to up each other on the most 'bad-ass' thing they've ever done when they were in their teenage years:

(Indentities protected, except mine)
Friend 1: Last time my group of friends would go around shopping centres and shop lift. Everything from staplers to electronic gadgets. Ok fine, not too proud of what we did but we've never felt more alive doing what we did.
Friend 2: I was a prefect last time. I once asked a student to get in line with the others but he refused, he even insulted me. So I picked up a wooden chair and smashed his back, breaking the chairs into pieces. I got suspended for a week but I never once regretted doing it.
Friend 3: Form 1-3 I never studied at all. I spent most of my time getting into gang fights. Steel pipes, chairs, and motorcycle helmets; My fondest memory yet!
Ben: I got a C for maths when I was in Form 2.
Others: ...
Ben: And then my maths paper came alive! And it growled at me -makes growling noise- It immediately jumped on my face and bit my nose off, I underwent critical surgery for that!
Others: ...
Ben: Childhood for sale. Anyone?

Fine. During my school years, I was a geek who thought getting anything less than an A would ruin his life forever so the only interesting story he could tell would be how quickly he could wrap his all of his textbooks (2 mins/textbook). But still, everything was so simple back then. No worries about what to eat, when to do the laundry, how to pay the fees; JUST STUDY. Unlike now of course.

Maybe it's normal to be constantly looking back on the years of mischief and innocence when the harsh reality called 'adulthood' approaches you like a speeding train. Fresh graduates and lecturers alike are telling, no, practically begging us to enjoy our university life as if to make up for THEIR lost time. Even those who played their butts off during university days and scored badly are telling us they didn't enjoy enough.

And here I am so eager to finish my uni years as soon as possible.

Monday, July 10, 2006

First Day At UTM As A Sophomore

So how did my first day as a sophomore go? Well, it was certainly worse than I expected. The sophomores (us) were like vultures scouring the entire mechanical faculty for food female freshies. The scene was awesome, some were just starting to chat up the female freshies and some already has 4 handphone numbers in their pockets.

Me? Well, I needed some help from my roommate:

(At the faculty walkway, shopping for female freshies)
Adrian: *Pointing* Mine. So mine. Definitely mine. Yours.
Ben: *Looks at disgust* What?!
Adrian: Not too tall, great legs, great body, cute face, nice complexion, big eyes..
Ben: And an ADAM'S APPLE?
Adrian: Damn, you noticed.
Ben: !!!

Unfortunately we sophomores do not have our classes together with the freshmen but that didn't stop us from 'vulturing' inside lecture halls:

(Inside the lecture hall, while having our class)
Entire Class: -Looks outside-
Kim: I like the one in red.
Adrian: Yeah, she's pretty. I wonder if she's a mechanical freshy.
Normie: Hold on, I'll go out and ask her. LECTURER, BOLEH SAYA KE TANDAS SEKEJAP?

I am so scaring the freshies right now :)

Who is Kim, Adrian & Normie? Look it up in The Characters post.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Sarcastic Remarks, Gotta Love Em'

Coming back to UTM, I realised there's one thing I really missed about it. I missed exchanging insults and sarcastic remarks with the gang back here. Take this little scene here right after my roommate, Adrian, and I checked-in into our rooms:

(Our room)
Ben: Our previous room was bigger than this one.
Adrian: Let's start cleaning. Where's our the mop and broom?
Ben: I threw them away last semester.
Adrian: What?! Why?!
Ben: It's a hassle to store them. Buy new one la, a mop and broom hardly cost anything.

So after buying ourselves a new mop and broom, we immediately went back to clean our room:

(Our room, again)
Ben: Hm, I can't find a suitable place to put the mop and broom. It's so small here.
Adrian: Maybe you should just throw it away. It hardly costs a thing anyway. *grin*
Ben: EH! You know what I mean!


Ben: Why can't I find my toilet slippers?
Adrian: Maybe you threw it away.
Ben: No, I don't think I did.
Adrian: Oh yeah, you're so used to disposing 'worthless' objects that sometimes you just forget. Don't worry, I understand *pats Ben's head*
Ben: (Throws Adrian off the window)

I gotta brush up on my heckling skills. Meanwhile, I'll just make use of the fact that my room and my classes are not on the ground floor.

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Best Government PA Announcement, Ever

I went to to the PJ federal building today to get my new MyKad and of course, I was prepared to take any crap the government office could possibly throw at me; long lines, slow services, being scolded for nothing, BRING THEM ON! Well, after waiting in line for about an hour, *sigh* nothing could've prepared me for this:


PA Announcement: Harap maaf, sistem kami sedang menghadapi beberapa masalah teknikal dan perkhidmatan kami terpaksa digendalakan. Sila datang lagi pada hari esok pada jam 2.45pm untuk meneruskan urusan anda.


PA Announcement: Ai-ya, lupa. Esok cuti.


Oh right, how inconsiderate of me. Here it is, the english translation:


PA Announcement: We are not very efficient.


PA Announcement: We are not very bright either.


Let's Bully The Freshmen!

My 3 week semester break has finally come to an end and come tomorrow, it's sayonara KL and hello UTM. Goodbye to ASTRO, goodbye to decent food and of course, goodbye to air-conditioning. Actually it isn't all bad, I'm returning to UTM for the first time as a SOPHOMORE! Finally, it's our turn to carve our names on cricket bats and wallop (while branding) every freshy's behind with it!

Fine, it's not the 80s anymore, but we are still going to tear down and break apart every shred of self-esteem left inside each and every single shrivel-bodied freshy that comes to our sight.

(First day in the lecture room, an unfamiliar face enters)
Ben: Look guys, a freshy.
Kim: It's pounding time!

(3 of us rush to the door to 'greet' the freshy)

Freshy: Er.. hello..
Adrian: Hello there! -Slaps freshy's back-
Kim: Let me get that fly off your chest. -Smacks freshy's chest-
Freshy: (Looking pissed)
Ben: Don't you dare give us attitude young boy. We could so easily crush you when you're around OUR faculty!
Freshy: So I guess you leave me no choice but to crush you all in MY class before stepping out into the faculty.
Ben: *GASP*
Freshy Lecturer: The name's Professor Wong, welcome to my hell.

Damn those young-looking lecturers.

Who is Kim & Adrian? Look it up in The Characters post.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

If Only We All Had Twins

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a twin brother/sister? To have a special someone accompany you since birth through the storm and the calm of your life, the word 'lonely' would be practically non-existent. Having a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on 24/7, come on. I'd give anything to have a twin brother. No wait.. an IDENTICAL twin brother. And his name would be Dan. Ben & Dan, think of the cool stuff we could do together!

We could interchange our ICs:
Ben: Dan, I can't get into this club.
Dan: Why won't they let you in?
Ben: Apparently I'm still under-aged.
Dan: Use my IC, the bouncer won't notice a thing.
Ben: Genius! -looking at Dan's IC- Same face, same hair, same address and same... age...
Dan: Stupid says what.
Ben: What?

I wonder why I made my twin so mean. Anyway, there has got to be some other cool stuff we could do as twins. -thinking- Oh ya! Our relationships could last longer:

Dan: I'm bored with Tiffany.
Ben: I'll take her. I'm bored with Amanda too.
Dan: Gimme, gimme.

That actually isn't as cool as it sounds. So there really isn't any neat stuff I could do with my twin huh? *snaps finger* I know! It's in every male's biggest fantasy to get in bed with identical twins and WE would have the ultimate passport (considering Dan and I are already twins). I could see it now, making love to Sandy & Sarah:

(Scene cuts to a two-bed hotel room. Dan is doing Sandy on one bed, Ben and Sarah on another. Ben & Dan tries to outdo each other in the number of sexual positions performed)

Damn it, so not what I had in mind.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Kopitiam vs. Franchise Restaurants

While Melly and I were having our lunch at LJS, I accidentally spilled my glass of cola:

(LJS, kinda like KFC for fish)
Worker: *Stares at our table*
Ben: ...
Worker: SIGHS *Grabs the mop*
Ben: Sorry.
Worker: -Weak smile- *Mopping up the spill*

Whereas in kopitiams, if you were to spill your glass of teh ping:

Worker: *Hurrily gets down on his/her knees and cleans up the spill with a towel*
Boss: Faster, faster!
Ben: Sorry.
Boss: Oh nevermind, accidents happen. *gives a warm smile* Oi, worker! Faster clean it, people want to eat you know!

At least one of the above businesses still has the decency to treat us like real customers instead of just dumb patrons who are paying RM10 for their over-commercialised meals.

I Met Melly

Today, I had a meet-up with a fellow blogger at Sunway Pyramid:

(After waiting for a while, Melly shows up but I wasn't sure...)
Ben: (Thinking to self) This girl could be Melly. Wait, see if she waves at me.
Melly: (Thinking to self) This guy could be Ben. Wait, see if he waves at me.

(Neither waved)

Melly: (Thinking to self) OMG, this guy is actually staring at me!
Ben: (Thinking to self) Oh yeah, this girl is so checking me out!
Ben: Aaaw come on honey, you know you want a piece of this! *flexes muscles*

Fine, I exagerated but it did almost happen. We both weren't so sure of each other at first sight. It wasn't until after Melly exclaimed a sarcastic remark at me that I was relieved I wasn't caught staring.

(Post extended upon Skyler's request, I do not like to dissapoint)
So after saying our Hellos, we strolled around the pyramid in search of something to eat and ended up in Long John's Silver. It cracked me up a little that we are actually having lunch at LONG JOHN'S. As in Thor's Hammer? As in The Powerprawn? As in.. our Twinkie? Now I'm just humouring myself.

So we ate, chatted, I spilled my cola and chatted some more. After that we both wandered aimlessly around the pyramid in search of something to shop or do. Melly busted her leg so that rules out skating and bowling, I have nothing to buy for so that shortened the shopping period and we both wanted to be home before sundown for our own reasons, so that rules out catching the 5.30pm movies (plus there weren't anything good on).

But it wasn't until we've covered every single inch of the pyramid that we realised there isn't anything much to do. Free exercise. So we rested ourselves at McDs and continued chatting. Our topics covered almost everything but we mostly chatted about our school years, friends, career choice, the opposite sex mentality, religion.. fine, we chatted about everything. I even got so thirsty at one point that I regretted ordering the ice-cream sundae. -Throat hurts-

Interesting fact: Melly's only the 4th english speaking girl I've befriended in my entire life.

*CD scratches, glass broken, everyone gives Ben the look*

Ok first, Tawau wasn't so big on english speakers (you will be called lansi) more so the girls and secondly, there aren't many female undergrads to begin with in our UTM engineering faculty. So there, stop giving me the dissapointed look and start pitying me. Anyway, all in all, the day turned out great. Hey Melly, hope to do it again some other time!

Monday, July 03, 2006

Parking In KL

Owning a car can be a real bane when you're moving around the streets of the city. No, I'm not talking about the worrisome fuel consumption or having to drive through the insane bumper to bumper traffic OR dealing with the crazy KL taxi drivers. Then what is it?

The act or practice of temporarily leaving a vehicle or maneuvering a vehicle into a certain location; that's the definition of parking. Circling the block for 20 times and swearing in 10 different chinese dialects while LOOKING for that location; that's the definition of parking in KL. This statement even holds true for two
non-chinese speaking friends on a day out yesterday:

(In Midvalley parking lot)
Ben: *Sees an empty spot*

(Another car zooms in)
Ben: Lansi bitch!
Friend: Pokai ah lian!
Ben: Look, that guy is coming out.

(After waiting for 5 minutes, the guy shuts off his engine)
Ben: Asshole sohai! Waste my time only!
Friend: Lok zhat, maaahai!!! Tell la earlier!
Ben: Look, a lady with her goods! Yay!

(The lady opens the car boot, stores her goods, closes the car boot, walks off)
Ben: Hey not bad, your vocabulary has improved.
Friend: Thanks, yours too.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

A Chat With Chengsim

Question: What do you get when two humour bloggers try to outwit each other in a war of words?

(After talking on MSN for 30 minutes)
Ben: u are the least sarcastic girl i've chatted with before
ChengSim: omg. melly just told me tht my blog is filled with sarcasm!
ChengSim: that a compliment?
Ben: that was me being sarcastic.
ChengSim: *cries softly at a corner*
Ben: *walks out the door triumphantly with a bottle of rum in his hands*
ChengSim: *takes the rum, pours it all over Ben's head*
Ben: *slowly strips as water flows from head to toe*
ChengSim: *starts licking*
Ben: ...

Aswer: An erection.

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