How To Screw With McD

I can't believe that I spent my whole week studying in McDs. It's not for the food mind you, but because it's much more conducive to study in a place where there's no bed on the left or a computer with a 24/7 internet access on the right. Plus, being in a public area with a stack of lecture notes and a 300 page textbook on your table can make you feel really smart-ish. Heh.

Did you know that the McD delivery service doesn't have a minimum order? SO COOL! I only noticed it while checking out their notice boards (clearly I've hung out there too often). No minimum order. Think of the pranks you can pull:

(On the phone)
McD Guy: Hello, McDonald's delivery.
Ben: I would like one fries.
McD Guy: Regular or large?
Ben: I want one only.
McD Guy: Yes, you want an order of fries but in what size?
Ben: No, you listen to me. I just want ONE piece.
McD Guy: You just want.. one piece of french fries?
Ben: There is no minimum order, right?
McD Guy: Yeah but... your one piece of fries would cost you RM3 for the delivery charge. May I suggest ordering more?
Ben: I'm not hungry.
McD Guy: Then why are you ordering?!
Ben: I'm calling KFC.
McD Guy: Ok, ok. (Indistinct) "One piece of fries to Taman Uni!"
Another McD Guy: "Fuck you Jim!"

On another note, MY FINALS ARE OVER!!

Audtioning For The Terrance & Philip Show

(In the room, while studying)
Ben: *Small fart*
Fei Cai: That's disgusting.
Ben: Heheh.
Fei Cai: I can do better. *long fart*
Ben: Oh man, that's nasty.
Fei Cai: *longer fart*
Ben: Hahaha.
Fei Cai: Top that,
Ben: Ok hold on, here it comes.

(*HUGE FART* *RIP!*)

Ben: Uh oh.



Fei Cai: Dude, you win.

Exam Woes

(On the way to the exam hall)
Kim: I forgot to bring my ruler!
Ben: When I was young, I used my index finger as a ruler.
Kim: That's not a bad idea, I could just use a body part.
Ben: Yeah.
Kim: But I'm not using the index finger.
Ben: Why not?
Kim: I need something straighter and longer than an index finger.
Ben: ...
Kim: ...

(Dream sequence starts: In the exam hall)

Lecturer: Where's your ruler?
Kim: Arouse me.

(Dream sequence ends)

3 down and 2 more subjects to go. For me, the last 3 days saw the preview of hell on earth. There were 3 exams in 3 consecutive days. Yes, I know I have been through far worse during my secondary school years where there are 3 exams in ONE day. But that was a long time ago, back when I was young and stupid and thought that getting good grades was the one and only measuring stick as to how far you will go in life. I must survive this!

Duped

(Scene: At a hawker stall, waiting for our food)
Wanyean: Woah!
Ben: WHERE?!
Wanyean: What where?
Ben: You said "Woah!". Where's the hot girl?!
Wanyean: I was referring to the fire from that stall's kitchen stove.
Ben: ... from now on, whenever you acknowledge something attractive, it MUST be a hot chick!
Wanyean: Fine.

(Our food arrives)

Wanyean: Mmm.. so pretty.
Ben: WHERE?!
Wanyean: I meant this mee pataya. Look at how they spread the tomato sauce on the egg. So pretty.
Ben: I'm not listening to you ever again.

(A few minutes later)

Wanyean: Niceeeeeeee.
Ben: (Ignores)
Wanyean: Man, look at that sexy, young thing!
Ben: (Ignores)
Wanyean: Sure she is a little petite but that only makes her cuter. I mean, look at the curves on her! In my lifetime, I don't think I have ever before seen such a hot, good-looking...
Ben: (Looks)
Wanyean: ...handphone.
Ben: UUUUUAAARGHHH!!

I hate it when I'm horny and alert.

Superman's New Kryptonite

We were having our dinner yesterday at the usual hawker stall when suddenly, the loudspeaker blared, "HEY SUPERMAN, TABLE A34 STILL ISN'T CLEANED UP!" Apparently, one of the workers there was nicknamed the man of steel for his amazing ability to.. well clean tables. Either that or he really IS Superman. That would certainly make one heck of a twist in the storyline:

(The final battle between Superman & Lex Luthor. The scene: Dark and unknown room)
Superman: I've got you cornered Lex.
Lex: Do you think you can outwit me so easily?! *quickly grabs a kryptonite from his pocket and points it directly at Superman*
Superman: Hahaha!
Lex: Why isn't this working?!
Superman: You silly man. Don't you think that after 462 episodes, my superhuman body would have already developed an immunity against that puny rock? *punches Lex*
Lex: Aaaargh!
Superman: Any last words?
Lex: Urgh.. no.. just.. *flicks on a switch to reveal a room filled with endless rows of tables*
Superman: What the?
Lex: Heheh.
Superman: So what? They're just tables.
Lex: Oh no, they're not JUST tables. They are DIRTY tables!
Superman: What?! No, must.. resist urge.. to clean up..
Lex: *Spills ketchup on the table*
Superman: NO!
Lex: I found out about your day job. *spills roti canai on the table*
Superman: STOP IT! You have no idea how hard it is to remove that much oil of a table! And who in the world spills roti canai?!
Lex: I'll tell you who, a man who would also spill this.
Superman: A plate of char kuey teow... but..
Lex: Muahahaha!!
Superman: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Die hard Superman fans will not be pleased with this version.

My Horny Friends

Good food is hard to find. Luckily, being true blue Malaysians (I'm feeling patriotic today), we have been gifted with a good eye for finding the right place to eat. You can say, we have a sixth sense for these kind of things:

(On the way to our usual place for lunch)
CK: *GASP!* Look at that quaint coffeeshop at the corner of the road!
Kim: Oh my god! I see it! I see it!
Ben: Haha, typical Malaysians getting all excited over...
CK & Kim: Schoolgirls in TIGHT ST. JOHN'S OUTFIT! Let's eat THERE!
Ben: ...food.

And being true blue Malaysians as well, we are also very skilled at selecting the best food to eat:

(At the new coffeeshop)
Ben: There are so many choices of food here. What are you going to have?
CK: I'm going to try.. the Penang prawn mee.
Ben: Is it because of the sweet fragant smell of the soup so nicely garnished with pork, shrimp and fried fish cake?
CK: ...
Ben: Or the hot chick selling it?
CK: ...
Ben: Ok it's the hot chick.
CK: ...
Ben: What?

Of course, how can we call ourselves Malaysian if we do not comment on our food:

(While having lunch at the new coffeeshop)
CK: Isn't it a bit too 'sweet'?
Ben: Nah, I think the soup needs a little more salt.
CK: NO! Isn't IT *nudges head to the right* a bit too 'sweet' and sexy?
Ben: You're talking about that girl with the ponytail, aren't you?
Kim: I think it's a bit too 'sour'.
Ben: The soup?
Kim: The girl. What is wrong with you today?.
Ben: I'm trying to be more Malaysian.

Anyway, I thought the food sucked. We're going back there tomorrow. I need to lessen my circle of horny friends.

The Parent Trap

(While dad and I were having breakfast)
Dad: Your mom and I are getting old. You'll need to start taking care of us soon.
Ben: Yeah dad.
Dad: So are you planning to live with us in the near future?
Ben: I don't think so.
Dad: Then how are you going to take care of us?!
Ben: ... that was a trick question!

(...)

Dad: So this is what I think you should do.
Ben: Sigh, here we go.
Dad: You can stay alone wherever you want; a bungalow, a semi-d or an apartment, we won't intrude BUT on one condition.
Ben: That is?
Dad: You must buy ANOTHER separate unit nearby for us to stay in.
Ben: WHAT?! But what if I can't afford it?!
Dad: Then I guess you'll just have to stay with us forever till you make enough money. Too bad.

Aah, the promises we make to them.

Vlog 2: Cars & Relationships

Notice that it's a different backdrop this time. I was doing it in Adrian's room.

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Sorry Clare, I couldn't do your tag. But here's a linkback as promised.
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F1 Malaysian GP Field Trip

Yesterday, I embarked on my first uni field trip to watch the Malaysian Formula One Grand Prix. The tickets were sponsored by the Sepang International Circuit (SIC) and they were rumoured to be worth about RM700 per ticket. I am so glad I joined the right society.

I have several qualms though about Sepang:

(Qualm 1: No toilet at the entrance area)
Ben: I can't believe a place like this doesn't even have a toilet.
Kim: Yeah they do. It's just a little.. unusual.
Ben: I am NOT taking a crap in that sorry excuse for a lavatory.
Kim: Well you can't just hold it in. We've still got 3 more hours before the race starts.
Ben: WATCH ME!

(30 seconds later)

Ben: You're using it with me.

I hated that box-like toilet. It had no proper water pipe, zero drainage system and worst of all I was sweating like a pig because the place had absolutely NO ventilation. I seriously thought I was going to die in a portable toilet.

(Qualm 2: Cost of everything)
Ben: I wanna buy a souvenir.
Adrian: What do you wanna get?
Ben: I want an F1 shirt!
Adrian: They cost around RM250, minimum.
Ben: ... how about an F1 cap?
Adrian: Those are RM150.
Ben: Ok fine, I'll just get a key chain.
Adrian: RM80.
Ben: For a stupid key chain?! You know what, forget it. Let's just get something to eat.
Adrian: RM70 for a set lunch.
Ben: I hate this place.

But other than that, the whole trip was quite an experience for me. To watch some of the foreign die hard fans come all the way here to support their fellow countryman, to see some of the drivers making candid appearances at their sponsor's booths and of course to witness the race itself, it was all so surreal.

Actually the coolest part about the race, besides the deafening sound of the roaring engines, was the fact that we were sitting so close to the track that we were able to smell the burnt tires. Yeah I know, it smells kinda bad but look at this way.

Picture someone as hot and as famous as say, Beyonce Knowles who is performing on stage and you were sitting in the front row. She suddenly farted. Even though it stinks, in a way, it still 'smells' good right? ... I mean, it's Beyonce Knowles' gas!!

...

Pictures here.

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Sex & Bed Space

I remember having this conversation with my dad before we migrated from Tawau to PJ:

Dad: We're furnishing your room in PJ. What do you need?
Ben: Er.. a study table, a wardrobe and a bed.
Dad: What kind of bed?
Ben: Single of course.
Dad: No. You're getting a queen sized bed.
Ben: But why?
Dad: If you only have a single bed, how are you going to 'have relations' with your future girlfriend?
Ben: ...
Dad: You're not doing it on our bed.
Ben: Actually there's enough room on a single bed to do 'it'.
Dad: But on a queen sized bed, you two will have more space to move around.
Ben: Why would we move around while doing it?
Dad: Change positions.

And you people wonder why I am weird.

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I'll be off to the races tomorrow!
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I Played Ragnarok Online

Beve made me install Ragnarok Online (RO) yesterday night. Ok fine, she didn't actually make me. I just thought it would be fun to try out this game and maybe even own her for once since we all know, girls can never beat guys in ANY pc games! Well.. let's just say I have shamed all male gamers out there yesterday night:

(Part 1: Ben is introduced to the harsh reality of RO)
Ben: Let's do this!
Beve: Follow me into the portal.
Ben: Ok! ROAR!

(Ben warps into portal. Immediately gets killed by a scorpion.)

Beve: AHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ben: What the hell?! The damn scorpion killed me!
Beve: Well, some creatures attack without being provoked. They do that.
Ben: But I haven't even gained a single experience point! The scorpion is a bully!
Beve: Quit being a girl and come back here.
Ben: Is the scorpion gone?
Beve: Nope. It's all over the map.
Ben: What?!

(Part 2: Ben levels his character up)
Beve: Ok. All you have to do is hit the eggs to gain experience points. Do NOT hit anything else.
Ben: What? That's so boring!

(While hitting eggs, Ben sees an ant. He attacks it. The ant kills Ben with one blow.)

Beve: ...
Ben: The ant killed me.
Beve: I told you to just hit the eggs!
Ben: It was an ant! I squish them without effort in real life!
Beve: It's RO.
Ben: IT WAS AN ANT!

(Part 3: Ben -tries- to fight for real)
Beve: Ok I think your level is high enough now. Let's go to the Toy Factory.
Ben: Haha! That place sounds so gay. This is gonna be a piece of cake.
Beve: Ok. Go go kill!
Ben: Uaaaaargggh!

(Ben sees a clown and attacks it. The clown kills Ben with one blow.)

Beve: You died again? What is wrong with you?
Ben: I thought you said my level was high enough?! A clown just killed me with one blow!
Beve: Come back here and find something easier to attack instead.
Ben: Fine.

(Ben sees a floating box. He attacks it. The box kills Ben with one blow.)

Ben: THIS IS BULLSHIT!
Beve: What happened?
Ben: A box killed me!
Beve: That is funny.
Ben: That is NOT funny!
Beve: I suggest you go back to hitting eggs.
Ben: I'm already there.
Beve: Ahahahahaha!
Ben: I hate this game.

Character Deaths (that night):
Ben: 8
Beve: 0

My First Video Log

It's just me being really silly. Sorry for screaming at the start, you guys might want to turn down the volume for the first 3 seconds.

The Damn Comment Box

(On MSN)
Ben: I switched to a new comment box.
Beve: It's so complicated. The last one was fine. Why did you change?
Ben: The original comment system was complicated.
Beve: No it wasn't.
Ben: It takes forever to load the comment box.
Beve: It was normal.
Ben: You had to click twice to get into the comment area. In this new one, you only have to click once.
Beve: Er.. no.
Ben: What do you mean.. no?
Beve: Man you are so complicating.
Ben: No I'm not.
Beve: You're just like a girl, I swear.
Ben: For switching my comment box?!
Beve: For being complicating.
Ben: How am I complicating?
Beve: You're complicated.

(...)

Beve: (Refering to the chat haloscan comments) Why is your response to me in bold?
Ben: It's better that way.
Beve: You really are SO very complicated.
Ben: HEY! HAVE I EVER SAID SOMETHING AND MEANT SOMETHING ELSE? NO! IT'S YOU GIRLS! YOU GIRLS ARE COMPLICATING! I AM NOT COMPLICATED! STOP CALLING ME COMPLICATED!
Beve: There's a "sewjin:" there. It makes me look like I'm addressing you.
Ben: OK FINE! ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY BEVE FOR YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF BLOGGING COMMENTS! HOW OH HOW DO YOU THINK I SHOULD PROPERLY RESPOND TO MY READERS?!
Beve: Hey.
Ben: WHAT?!
Beve: It's so fun to annoy you.
Ben: Aaaaaaaahhhh!!!