Parents & Technology

Parents and technology are like fries and chocolate sundae:

(Mom had a friend over)

Mom: Look at my son's new mp3 player! It's so cute!

Friend: Wow! How many songs can it store?

Mom: No idea.. Son!! How many songs can your mp3 player store?

Ben: One gig.

Mom: It can store one gig of songs.

Friend: Ooh.. How many songs is that?

Mom: ... Son!! How many songs can one gig store?

Ben: About 250.

Mom: It can store about 250 songs.

Friend: Oh that's a lot of songs. Switch it on, I wanna hear it.

Mom: Er... SON!! Where's the 'on' button?

Ben: It's at the bottom right. It's a round rubbery button.

Mom: I can't find it!

(...)

Ben: Mom, does the mp3 player you're holding now, have a lot of holes around them?

Mom: Yeah.

Ben: Mom, that's the card reader.

It's actually ok if it mixes but it just looks wrong when they do.

Me At Cheer 2007

I went to the Bukit Jalil stadium yesterday with the sisters to watch the much publicised Cheer 2007. Now I've seen the USA cheerleading competition before on ESPN so I sorta expected the same high flying tosses, acrobatic somersaults and micro mini skirts. Suffice to say, I was thoroughly disappointed. I mean the local champions this year aren't even up to par with the USA cheerleading team that finished last place.. 10 years ago! Sure they could perform stunts, flips and all but come on, get rid of the leotards will ya? Cheerleaders aren't cheerleaders WITHOUT mini skirts!

So skirting the skirt issue, the cheerleaders that took part actually did pretty well. Of course, none (not a single one) of the teams had a perfect routine. There were near accidents in every one of the team's performances but seeing as I couldn't even do half the tricks executed during the show,I am pretty much impressed with everything I saw that day.

Despite the spectacular show, I still can't say it was ALL good. It's hard to explain so here's a short 'good news, bad news' summary:

Good News: Point Blanc performed.
Bad News: He sang the very much overplayed 'Ipoh Mali'..
Even More Bad News: .. in front of a KL crowd.

Good News: There was another performance.
Bad News: The performer was an unknown.
Even More Bad News: He sang 'You're Beautiful'.

Good News: Sarah of Channel [V] and Jien of Disney Buzz hosted the event.
Bad News: Sarah is taken..
Even More Bad News: .. by Jien.

Good News: The cheerleaders were hot.
Bad News: I totally made that up.
Even More Bad News: Because I couldn't see a thing sitting so far up top.



A photo from the nosebleed section. All and all, I thought it was worth the painful 1 hour KTM/LRT commuter ride.

City Road Musings

After being back in KL for almost two months, I have come to realise one thing:

(While driving out for lunch)

Dad: Stuck in traffic again. What are all these stupid people doing on the road?!

Ben: Dad, we're on the road too.

Dad: We are different.

Ben: And how are we different? We're going for lunch and I bet all these people are doing the same.

Dad: I have you.

Ben: ............ we're not gonna hug now are we?

Dad: NO! I meant ours is the only vehicle in this entire stretch of road with two or more people in it.

Ben: That's impossible.

Dad: Just look around.

Ben: [1st car, one person.. 2nd car, one person.. 3rd car, one person.. 4th car, one person]

Dad: You done yet?

Ben: Hold on. [continues counting: one person.. one person.. one.. one.. one]

Carpooling, is something very foreign in the city. Now I'm not gonna be the one to judge because who knows, I might be the one driving a huge ass MPV alone in the middle of rush hour in the near future. I can't help but wonder though, what do these people think of when they are stuck in stationary traffic, alone, with no one to talk to:

(In a car nearby)

Lone driver: [I'm gonna be late AGAIN!]

Lone driver: ...

Lone driver: [This right here.. is all the government's fault.]

Lone driver: ...

Lone driver: [My steering wheel is so round. I shall nickname my steering wheel roundy.]

Lone driver: ....

Lone driver: [My horn is gonna hate its nickname.

Thank god for radios and CD players.

My Geeky Moment

This afternoon, I actually watched an hour of the National Spelling Bee coverage on ESPN. Wait, I have a good reason for doing so! I er.. ehm.. ok fine, I do not have one. It's just so interesting to watch 250 nerdy home-schooled overachieving kids try to spell words normal people like us would never ever think of using in our lifetime. Words like "rheotropism", "pygopodous" and my personal favourite, "sardoodledom".

Don't get me wrong though, I am actually VERY impressed by the participant's efforts. I could neither spell nor even pronounce half the words given, and they are ONLY 14 years old! One thing I found rather amusing though is how the announcers would refer to the participants as "spellers". The organisers may think it's cool but whenever the announcers mention "SPELLERS!", I could see the entire bench of participating kids roll their eyes. Can you imagine what these kids have to go through in school?

(The scene: School recess. Two students got beaten up by a gang of school bullies and then thrown together into a nearby dumpster)

Boy 1: Hey there. I'm Sheldon.

Boy 2: Hello. My name is Dexter.

Sheldon: We both have geeky names. What else are you in for?

Dexter: I take up ballet and bake cookies with my sister.

Sheldon: Bummer.

Dexter: What about you?

Sheldon: I'm a speller.

Dexter: AHAHAHAHA WHAT A LOSER!! *starts slapping Sheldon with a rotten banana peal*

Speaking of geeky activities, I remember representing my secondary school in a scrabble competition.

(Pause)

Yes. A Scrabble competition. I was a "Scrabbler". Oh god, just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. To make it sound cooler, I shall now call it, The Letter Arranging Game. Well in my defense, I was 16 and I was a er.. ehm.. geek. Hm, not much of a defense there. I remembered getting knocked out on the first round because of a silly incident:

(During the The Letter Arranging Game competition)

Ben: "CTROVNJO" [What the hell am I going to make out of this?]

Referee: Benjamin, you have 1 minute to come up with a word.

Ben: Yes, maam. [TIR? VOT? NIT? JOON? ... TOON.. TOON!]

Referee: 30 seconds has passed.

Ben: I have a word! *fixes up "TOON" on the board*

Referee: That is not a word.

Ben: Yes it is.

Referee: No, IT IS NOT!

Ben: Look at the dictionary!!

Referee: *flips* There's no "toon" in the dictionary. I told you. Where did you get that silly word from?

Ben: Cartoon Network.

Referee: Well there are "cartoons" but no "toons". Ben, I'm gonna have to disqualify you if you do not have a word.

Ben: I er.. wait! I DO have another word! *fixes up "ORC" on the board*

Referee: And where is this word from?

Ben: Warcraft.

Referee: You're out.

Yes, I know I could have formed better words with my set. What can I say? I panicked.

SmartTAG

My mom got herself a new mp3 player. I know, it isn't exactly groundbreaking news but here's the thing. The player's software is hella complicating so understandably, my mom needed some help transferring songs into the gadget.

Being a loyal listeners of the Bee Gees and the Carpenters, my mom decided that it's time for her to update her playlist and so we (the hip and cool children), helped by sampling to her all 632 songs in our hard disks. At first it was easy, my mom would just say "This is nice!" and into the mp3 player it goes.

Then she tried to be specific.

(Song 1)

Mom: I want the songs with the Makan Enak tempo.

Jo: The what?

Mom: Makan Enak.

Jo: Ben! Do you know any songs with the title "Makan Enak"?

Ben: That sounds like something Too Phat would sing.

Jo: Mom, we've never heard of it.

Mom: It's really popular last time. You know, *Puts hand on head, then holds it straight then touches knees*

Jo: ... the macarena.

Mom: Yes, the Makan Enak.

(Song 2)

Mom: I want the songs sung by IP too. Their songs are all very upbeat.

Jo: Wha.. IP? ... Ben, does your computer have IP?

Ben: Who wants to know?!

Jo: Mommy.

Ben: Mom wants to know my IP? *panics* Oh mum.. whatever for? *deletes all history and cookies*

Mom: Black IP!

Jo: Black Eyed Peas..

(Song 3)

Mom: Ah yes! What's that song, er.. Smart Tag!

Jo: SmartTAG?

Mom: Yes, it's played quite a lot recently on the radio.

Jo: ...

Mom: You know, "Smart Tag, ooooh, Smart Tag, ooooh."

Jo: Smack That.. by Akon?

Mom: Yes that's what I said.

I could see it now, Malaysia's future number one hit:

SmartTAG by Sebiji Jagung

SmartTAG,
Use Touch N' Go,
SmartTAG,
To pay your toll,
SmartTAG,
Sure jam no more,
SmartTAG,
Ooooooooo.

Gym & Old Age

I know it is a bit too early for a young chap like me to be thinking about growing old. The pains of high blood pressure, osteoporosis, dementia and even worse, cancer.. urgh. These things were never on my mind before, that is until I made the mistake of letting my dad tag along with me to the gym.

After 20 years of working in the office from 9 to 5, (and growing a belly in the process) my dad thinks it is best to start exercising again. This sounded like a rad idea. It could be like a father and son bonding session. Or so I thought:

(At the gym)

Dad: Ok son, what do you do first?

Ben: I go on the cycling machine for an hour first to warm up.

Dad: Sounds easy. *hops on a cycling machine*

(5 minutes later)

Dad: I.. cannot.. anymore..

Ben: It has only been 5 minutes!

Dad: You said you go on the cycling machine to warm up. Well I'm warmed up. Next routine!

Ben: Ah ok. So after the warm up, I do sit ups.

Dad: How many?

Ben: 5 sets of 20 repetitions.

Dad: *lies on the sit up mat* One.. Two.. *pant, pant, gasp*

Three.. son, if I count I will run out of breath, you count for me.

Ben: Er.. ok. Four.. Five..

Dad: Ok that's enough.

Ben: What?

Dad: That's it I'm done. *wipes off sweat triumphantly*

Ben: But I do weights after that.

Dad: Are you trying to kill me?! I'm going upstairs now. Have fun.

Ben: ...

So let's see.

	Cycling Machine	Sit Ups	Weights
Ben	60 minutes	5 sets, 20 reps	Bench press, Lateral pull, Arm curl
Dad	5 minutes	1 set, 5 reps	Eating junk food while watching the Golf Channel

I am gonna try will avoid getting an office job in the future.

Family Business

While the family were casually discussing about their children's future careers, my dad suggested that my sisters and I work in the same office next time:

(10 years from now: In a boardmeeting)

Ben: So what is in today's agenda?

Jo: I would like bring your attention to our current financial status. It looks like our income...

Ben: Hold on, I heard that publicity is having some trouble getting the word out on our product.

Bernice: Well THAT is because the financial department isn't giving us enough money! *glares at Jo*

Jo: Our company is losing money! Plus, what happened to the RM1000 I gave you?!

Bernice: It wasn't enough!

Ben: Jo, give Bernice however much she needs. We can increase income if our sales do well and with that, we need publicity.

Bernice: *sticks out tongue at Jo*

(...)

Jo: You both are bullying me! I'm telling mommy when we get home.

Ben: Then I'm not taking you home.

Jo: Even better! When I do get home, I would have TWO things to tell mommy about. I wonder if she's gonna use the thick cane or the thin one tonight.

Ben: ...

Bernice: Don't worry, I know where Jo keeps her diary.

Ben: Perfect.

Jo: YOU STUPID BITCH!

Bernice: GIVE ME THE MONEY!

Ben: DON'T TELL MOMMY!

I don't think it would work out.

Kampar, According To My Parents

Well it's pretty obvious by now that my folks are getting a lot of airtime on my blog. Truth be told, I am not really that bothered by the often outrageous conversations I have with my parents. I guess after 22 years of living with them, one would've already gotten used to the barrage of sarcastic comments and snarky annotations. Whether that's a good thing or not, I really have no idea.

Anyway, on to the good stuff. On our way up north today, my parents made a lunch stop at Kampar because they wanted to give the food there a try. Who knew they had other things on their mind:

(While having lunch at a hawker stall in Kampar)

Dad: Do you know what Kampar is famous for?

Ben: Its fish balls.

Dad: And?

Ben: I don't know... bean sprouts?

Dad: Wrong! It's the CHICKS. The women here are all HOT!

Mum: It's true. Son, look at that girl over there. Look at her complexion, her figure. She is so beautiful!

Dad: You know what else Kampar is famous for?

Ben: My two horny parents.

Dad: No silly. It's the BIG BREASTED WOMEN!

(...)

Ben: Mommy. Daddy. Why aren't you both.. normal?

I'm glad they aren't.

It Will Never Come To This

My dad and I were loitering around the Curve one night and as we passed by a really crowded bar, my dad naturally got curious:

Dad: What's happening?

Ben: Nothing is happening.That place is called the laundrybar and it's crowded because it's a popular hang-out spot for youngsters our age.

Dad: Let's go in. I wanna see what's so great about the bar.

Ben: With you?!

Dad: Yes. Come.

Ben: NO!

Dad: Why not?

Ben: Two words: social suicide. Coming to these type of places with our parents is like saying, "Look at me! I have no friends, so I brought my parents instead to get drunk with me!"

Dad: I'm not going to get drunk with you.

Ben: That's not the point.

Dad: I'm just going to help you pick up chicks.

How is that not scary?

[Start dream sequence: In the bar]

Dad: Hello pretty lady, let me introduce you to my handsome son. *pats Ben's head*

Ben: Oh.. my.. god.

[End dream sequence]

*Shudders*

Dad: Hey, what are you thinking of?

Ben: I just visited hell.

News vs. Cartoons

I watched 4 episodes of South Park while doing this recording:

News vs. Cartoons