Merdeka!

With so much that's happening around the country, I hate to imagine how tough it must be for fathers in this generation to teach their children the real meaning of patriotism. I even tried putting myself in their shoes:

Blind patriotism. That's all I can hold on to right now. Happy 50th Merdeka Malaysia. It can only get better in the years to come.. I think.

Our Living Room

Adrian brought his television back from his hometown yesterday. We were actually quite ecstatic because with the new addition of an idiot box, we can finally turn our empty hall downstairs into an actual living room.

Unfortunately, we didn't have any sofa sets or a proper coffee table to go along with our new TV. So we improvised. Behold, a sneak peak into our future as world class interior designers!:

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-



Take that Eric Leong.

Letting Loose

Darlene invited me out yesterday and after going out for 3 consecutive days with Beve before that, I have run out of pants to wear. I didn't expect to be out so often when I got back here so I left all my jeans (that fit me) back in Skudai. Desperate, I dug deep into my closet and finally found a pair of old khakis. Unfortunately, they didn't fit me very well.



That's when I remembered that I bought that pair of khakis two years ago. I even recalled fitting into them perfectly heck they were even slightly looser. Boy was I skinny. <=== Denial.

Anyway, the 8 hour walk around KLCC yesterday was a torturous one. The pants were so tight, I felt as if blood flow to my legs were permanently cut off. Darlene, here's a secret. I didn't drink that much water nor do I have a small bladder. The real reason I went to the toilet so many times yesterday was to er..



Not my proudest my moment.

My BM Sucking

It has been quite a while since I've spoken Malay. So much so that..

(At a mamak stall)

Ben: Eh bro, air kelapa satu.

Waiter: Apa?

Ben: Air kelapa.

Waiter: Apa?

Ben: Coconut!

Waiter: .. air kelapa?

Ben: Ya. ...

even my english is much more decipherable to the local malay-speaking mamaks.

It was only till today I realised that I have stopped speaking BM ever since I moved here from East Malaysia 2 years ago. I miss having Malay friends.. or acquaintances for that matter.

The Meet Up

I got beat up by a girl yesterday. No, wait! *shields the "Close Tab" button* You gotta understand two things here. One, that girl is Beve and two, ... well there's no two because she is already one big reason. Ok fine, maybe it's not entirely her fault:

Attack 1:

(At home)

Beve (SMS): You're not gonna be disappointed by what you will see, right?

Ben (SMS): That's like asking me if I'm that shallow. Don't worry, I won't be.

(At Midvalley)

Beve: Hello!

Ben: Wow I am so disappointed. Goodbye.

Beve: Grrrr! [Smacks Ben's back.]

Attack 2:

(On the way to the car park right after lunch)

Beve: I am hungry.

Ben: I am not surprised.

Beve: [Punches Ben's chest.]

Attack 3:

(While waiting for Beve's maid to return home)

Joyce (Beve's friend): She's taking forever to come back.

Beve: That's because she walks so damn slow!

Ben: Either that or it's because she knows you're here.

Beve: [Gives Ben the "stare of death".]

Joyce: Dude, why do you do these things to yourself?

Ben: I.. I.. don't know.

Beve: [Jabs Ben's stomach.]

The list could go on but those were just some of the highlights. And because painting both my index fingernails with black nail polish isn't enough, Beve decided to overstretch the collar of my T-shirt as another going away present. It didn't help too that I'm going home by commuter right after. All the way, looking like this:



Nah it's not that bad but still, I kept trying to cover my upper body and at the same time making sure I don't bend too much throughout the train ride. Who knows what perverted asshole would catch a glimpse of my 'assets' and start jerking off right then and there.

Thanks Beve. For getting me out of the house I mean. Definitely not for turning me into a chick. I am back in KL for my one week semester break. Must. not. gain. five. kg. like. last. holiday.

Docile Public Uni Undergrads

I don't know what all the fuss is about. In my opinion, public university students are a very outspoken bunch. Be it in on the road:

(On the way to uni)

Kim (driving): Hey did you see that?! I think he should just stay in his own damn lane! [Horn! Horn!]

Adrian: That car there has already stopped! The van should move out of the junction NOW! Horn him.

Ben: They always act like they own the road. I think that all passerbys who moves any slower than a sprint when they cross a road should be arrested! Horn them!

In public:

(At a mamak stall)

Normie: He should've just kicked the stupid ball.

Kim: They should substitute Ronaldo. He ain't doing much on the field today.

Ben: Oi Macha, tambah lagi teh ais satu!

CK: Pass the fucking ball! You're not the only one playing!

And more importantly, in the classroom:

(In class)

Lecturer: Let's start off the day by discussing a touchy subject. Malaysia's one-sided constitution. Any opinions?

Kim: ...

Adrian: ...

Ben: ...

Normie: ...

CK: ...

2/3. That is still good enough.

Test Week

So far, it's two down and two more to go. Sigh. I really cannot wait for this hell to be over. Anyway, pardon my egg-man drawings but it is just so darn addictive! Hope this phase won't last too long.

Reality Bites

How is it that I am still overweight when it has already been my 4th month since I first started hitting the gym?! There is something wrong with my routine, I know it.

Kayak Killer

I'm taking kayaking this semester as my compulsory co-curricular activity. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life (so much so that I need a new word for 'a lot') but taking up this silly activity is the worst one to date. Sure it looks fun propelling a canoe from one point to another but that's really all there is to it; stroking a paddle around a tiny lake.

York has been in the sport for 2 semesters and he has received a certificate for it. Apparently he is now qualified to participate in flood rescue missions. Bah. If you ask me, anyone can be hero when they are on a flotation device:



Well almost anyone. Me no likey kayak!

Fishing For Prawns

After dinner one night, Adrian had this sudden urge to go fishing. So he got up from his seat, went up to one of the hawker stalls and asked the owner if there are any fishing spots nearby. Unfortunately, there wasn't any but he gave us directions to the next best thing; a prawn farm. Yep. We went prawning.

Except for Adrian, we were all very much new to the idea of hunting with a hook. The concept is exactly the same as fishing; a rod with a string tied at the end and a quarter of an earthworm as bait. I was comfortable with the whole idea up till the 'quarter of an earthworm' part:

(After selecting the rods)

Adrian: Here's the bait.

Ben: Holy shit, IT'S MOVING!

Adrian: Yeah, it's better alive. Now fix it up on your hook.

Ben: [Reluctantly grabs a worm and pauses.] So what knot should I tie?

Adrian: You don't tie a knot with the worm. That's gross.

Ben: Ok, so what's the less grosser alternative?

Adrian: You're suppose to slice the worm into tinier bits and stab the hook right through their bodies.

Ben: ...

As if the idea of handling a live squirming earthworm isn't horrifying enough, we were required to divide its long body into smaller pieces with a penknife to conserve bait. There is definitely nothing more disturbing than slicing a worm into 3 parts and then watching each of the bleeding pieces wiggle around nonchalantly:

Adrian: Cut it.

Ben: Fuck you la.

As you can imagine, it took a while. After our baits were prepared, we immediately casted it off into the pond. Surprisingly, the actual fishing was a lot easier compared to the bait preparation and unhooking of the catch (will be discussed later). All we have to do is wait for our floaters to sink to indicate that a prawn has bitten and then we just yank the whole thing out of the water.

(10 minutes after casting)

Ben: Bored, bored, bored.

Adrian: Shut up la.

(Floater sinks.)

Ben: OH MY GOD!

(Quickly yanks the rod out of the pond. A huge prawn emerges at the end of it.)

Ben: Wuuuhuu! I caught one! I caught one!

Adrian: Ok, now unhook it.

Ben: [Turns pale] What?

Adrian: Unhook the prawn and put it into that pail there.

Ben: But I might hurt my finger.. and it might bite. Should I smack it to death against the wall first?

Adrian: No, you want it alive and fresh!

(Prawn starts to aggressively struggle.)

Ben: I think I want it dead.

As I prepared to 'subdue' the prawn, the owner quickly came to my aid. He held the claws against the prawn's abdomen and unhooked it with ease. I am such a girl. After our hour was up, I managed to catch two, Kim caught one and Adrian, the fishing expert unfortunately caught NOTHING. It must have crushed his ego so badly.

But as caring and supportive friends, we really wanted to make Adrian feel better. So the next day, we told all our coursemates about his problem:

(During class)

Mak: So Adrian, what did you do last night? ... Ahahahahahaha!!

Adrian: *Turns to Ben* You better have your running shoes on today because I'm gonna get you for this later!

Ben: -Gulp-

Mak: Don't worry Ben, you can easily shake him off.

Ben: How?

Mak: Just mimic a prawn.

Don't worry. Mak and I are still alive.

Kinkier Side of Uni. None.

In a lecture on 'interviews' today, our lecturer split the entire class into two groups; the interviewers and the interviewees. The interviewer group (me!) was required to prepare a set of 3 questions to ask the other group. A dull activity, yeah. That is why the gang and I decided to set our questions based on one theme alone, Sex & Relationships.

The lecturer gave us 5 minutes to prepare our questions and then set us off to the other group. It was tough. Some were too shy to ask the questions, some were too shy to answer the questions and some even lied. Sex is such a taboo subject here in Malaysia. But of course, there were some who were willing to answer the questions, most of it anyway:

(Overheard in an interview)

Guy 1: Do you have a girlfriend?

Guy 2: Yes.

Guy 1: How many months have you guys been dating?

Guy 2: 6 months.

Guy 1: Are you both having sex?

Guy 2: Yes.

[Girl nearby looks at Guy 2 disgustedly.]

Guy 2: NOO! I mean.. no, we are not having sex.

Guy 1: But you just said you were.

Guy 2: I thought you asked, "Are your boots properly waxed?"

Guy 1: You own boots?

Guy 2: Hey, that's 4 questions!

At one point, no student in the class was available for interview. Normie then decided to interview the lecturer, with his special set of questions of course:

(Normie interviews the lecturer)

Normie: Hello, sir. I would like to interview you.

Lecturer: Go ahead.

Normie: Do you think masturbation is healthy?

Lecturer: What?! I.. er.. I guess.

Normie: How many times do you masturbate in a day?

Lecturer: Huh.. ah.. er.. skip.

Normie: You can do that?

Lecturer: I SAID SKIP! Next question!

Normie: Ok, where do you masturbate?

Lecturer: Room. NEXT!

Normie: Sir, is it on the bed or in the toilet?

Lecturer: I SAID NEXT!

My set of questions were relatively tame. They were; How many exes do you have? Why did you guys break up? and How many of them are you still friends with? But even so, a lot of my interviewees had a hard time answering them:

(Me interviewing the people around)

Ben: How many exes do you have?

Student 1: None.

Ben: How many exes do you have?

Student 2: -ponders-

Ben: ...

Student 2: -still pondering-

Ben: ...

Student 2: None.

Ben: How many exes do you have?

Student 3: Do I look like a woodcutter to you?

Ben: What? No! I mean E-X-E-S.

Student 3: Oooh. Hahaha!

Ben: Yeah. Hahaha!

Student 3: None.

I'm gonna interview more guys around the mechanical engineering faculty before drawing the obvious painful conclusion.

Laundry Day

One washing machine for a house of five is more than enough. That is of course, unless each of the housemates has the same laundry day.. and hour:



We should get a washing machine that sings like Mariah Carey. That'll be harder to impersonate.

Spanar Holding Handymen

Our lecturer told us today that mechanical engineers are known by other faculties as the most 'gangster' of all engineering courses. Oh yeah, only a real badass would take the time to calculate the required force and the velocity relative to the wind before punching someone in the face. But I guess you can't blame them for the stereotype. Before I landed myself in this course, I had this fixed mindset about each engineering field:

Civil engineers = Road builders.
Electrical engineers = Soldering gun slingers.
Chemical engineers = Witches.
Mechanical engineers = Spanar holding handymen.

Two years into the course, I have only ever held a spanar once (even that was considered a kodak moment). And about the 'handymen' part.. well.. I'm gonna relate a story to you guys. Once upon a time, 2 mechanical engineers attempted to fix up their newly bought washing machine:

(While fixing up the washing machine)

Ben: We should check it first.

Adrian: Ok. [Hits 'spin' button].

Ben: ... Dude, nothing is happening.

Adrian: Hm? [Hits 'spin' button again].

Ben: ... Maybe we need to put water in it.

Adrian: Yeah, we could like 'trick' it into thinking that it has clothes in it.

Normie: I have a better idea.

Ben: Yeah?

Normie: [Points to empty power socket].

I'm supposed to disprove stereotypes on engineers. I don't think I wanna anymore.