Friday, February 09, 2007

I Need To Learn How To Flirt

The Chinese society in our university were having a Chinese culture showcase in conjuction with the coming Chinese New Year celebrations. Think 'pasar malam' where instead of selling food and pirated DVDs, they were showcasing different varities of the Chinese subculture in every stall. Among them were 'Arts & Crafts', 'Games', 'Fengshui', 'Weapons', & Ancient War Tactics'.

It's very educational for bananas like me to attend these type of events:

(At the 'Weapons' section)
Ben: All these ancient weapons are so huge.
Guy: Wu qi you bu tong de sing zhuan he ta siao.
Ben: I only got the word 'different'. Sorry, I don't understand Mandarin. Can you explain it to me in English?
Guy: I.. er.. don't know speak. You read there la. (pointing to the wall where there's 3 pages of translated text entitled, "Senjata Orang Cina".)

It's weird because I thought the main objective of this event was to expose and promote the Chinese culture to outsiders namely undergraduates of other race (and country). Yet, most of the undergrads manning the sections couldn't even speak a decent amount of English.

Notice that I used the word 'most'. Here's what happened, the guys and I were at the fengshui section snooping around:

(The girl manning the section approaches us. Mandarin in italics)
Girl: Hello, welcome to the Fengshui section. What you are looking at are the objects used to represent the fire element. It is..
Ben: (Blank look)
Girl: Do you guys understand mandarin?
Ben: I don't.
Girl: I go get my friend. She can speak English.

In comes the friend, "Hello, I'll be giving you all a brief explanation on the Chinese Fengshui." And she was pretty. The guys quickly excused themselves to let the girl give me a personal tour of the section. It's nice to have thoughtful friends. Anyway, it seems that throughout the tour, she would sway off topic to ask some irrelevant questions:

OtherGirl: May I know which faculty you're from?
Ben: We repair cars.

OG: Are you a Malaysian?
Ben: What?!
OG: Oh.. you look different.

Ben: Different?

OG: Where's your hometown?
Ben: Sabah.
OG: ...
Ben: Don't worry, not all of Sabahans are bananas.
OG: Oh no no that's not what I meant. It's just... (face turns red)

I asked her what she thinks of Lilian Too. Apparently she worships the heck out of that Harvard graduate. She told me that she worked in a fengshui shop before, that's why she knew so much about these stuff. After finishing up the tour, she asked, "Are there anymore questions?" I swear all I heard was, "Ask me for my number. NOW!"

Ben: [Ok Ben, you can do this. Just say you might need her help in this fengshui stuff because you're refurnishing your room this weekend. Be cool but not cold, be suave but not too flirty, be funny but not too clownish.]
OG: ...
Ben: [Maybe it's too cheesy. How about, er...]
OG: ... so are there anymore questions?
Ben: [Wait, wait, I'm coming up with something.]
OG: ...
Ben: [Aaaah screw it. Just ask for her number. She's obviously into you.]
OG: ...
Ben: [OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT HER WITHOUT SAYING A WORD FOR 8 WHOLE SECONDS! Bail! Bail! She probably already thinks you're a freak.]
OG: ...
Ben: I er.. I have to now go. I mean go now! I need to go now. Friends calling.
OG: Ok, I'll see you around. (smile)
Ben: See you. *Turns to sprint away, trips on the carpet, falls face first*

I hate myself.

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Side note: Hearts & Lightbulbs Valentines Charity Event. Be there!
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14 comments:

mrbherng

No worry dude, if you ever bump into her again then you should gather the guts to ask for her number =)

Anonymous

You have NOTHING to lose.

"Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong."
-Muhammad Ali.


KG

CY

So which part of her were you staring at? ;)

pinksterz

rugi. haha. but you are bound to see her again. because same uni right?

ps: you are tagged by me. haha. go read it on my blog.

CLare

Welcome to the club. I'm banana as well...

But i wish i were there to watch u fall flat on ur face!!!

S h e r v e

haahaahaa so cuteee :p

Benjamin

mrbherng: I'd gather something alright. I'd gather enough speed to run far away (without tripping this time).

anonymous: thanks for the advice :D

cy: her.. er.. face. I.. swear..

pinskterz: but our faculties are like miles apart. (thank god)

clare: i'll make sure i have a video camera with me every time i talk to a hot girl. shit is bound to happen.

sherve: i.. don't understand.

Cenn

LOL. You're cute. I actually imagine you run off from her and your face all turned red. Uhmm

CY

Since you had the guts to stare at her face, there's nothing wrong with ya Ben.

It's normal to get speechless every now and then ;)

ItchyMicchi

you. need to practise. saying, "would you like to join me for lunch at the canteen (or where ever you young whippersnappers go for lunch. if you have lunch)?"

or something like that :D

CY

I think the sentence is too long lah. Guaranteed won't be able to say it when the "time" comes :P

I suggest this. Four words only:

"You. Me. Canteen. Now." xD

Din

DUDE.

Go back to her, and invite her for a coke at the corner of the canteen.

At night.

And get the regular coke. Not the diet one.

And see hwo things go from there.

Good luck, man-boy.

Cenni

That's a good idea, CY.
Btw, is that why you're still single? *winks*

CY

Nah, I'm just too shy in real life :S

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