I Need To Learn How To Flirt

The Chinese society in our university were having a Chinese culture showcase in conjuction with the coming Chinese New Year celebrations. Think 'pasar malam' where instead of selling food and pirated DVDs, they were showcasing different varities of the Chinese subculture in every stall. Among them were 'Arts & Crafts', 'Games', 'Fengshui', 'Weapons', & Ancient War Tactics'.

It's very educational for bananas like me to attend these type of events:

(At the 'Weapons' section)
Ben: All these ancient weapons are so huge.
Guy: Wu qi you bu tong de sing zhuan he ta siao.
Ben: I only got the word 'different'. Sorry, I don't understand Mandarin. Can you explain it to me in English?
Guy: I.. er.. don't know speak. You read there la. (pointing to the wall where there's 3 pages of translated text entitled, "Senjata Orang Cina".)

It's weird because I thought the main objective of this event was to expose and promote the Chinese culture to outsiders namely undergraduates of other race (and country). Yet, most of the undergrads manning the sections couldn't even speak a decent amount of English.

Notice that I used the word 'most'. Here's what happened, the guys and I were at the fengshui section snooping around:

(The girl manning the section approaches us. Mandarin in italics)
Girl: Hello, welcome to the Fengshui section. What you are looking at are the objects used to represent the fire element. It is..
Ben: (Blank look)
Girl: Do you guys understand mandarin?
Ben: I don't.
Girl: I go get my friend. She can speak English.

In comes the friend, "Hello, I'll be giving you all a brief explanation on the Chinese Fengshui." And she was pretty. The guys quickly excused themselves to let the girl give me a personal tour of the section. It's nice to have thoughtful friends. Anyway, it seems that throughout the tour, she would sway off topic to ask some irrelevant questions:

OtherGirl: May I know which faculty you're from?
Ben: We repair cars.

OG: Are you a Malaysian?
Ben: What?!
OG: Oh.. you look different.
Ben: Different?

OG: Where's your hometown?
Ben: Sabah.
OG: ...
Ben: Don't worry, not all of Sabahans are bananas.
OG: Oh no no that's not what I meant. It's just... (face turns red)

I asked her what she thinks of Lilian Too. Apparently she worships the heck out of that Harvard graduate. She told me that she worked in a fengshui shop before, that's why she knew so much about these stuff. After finishing up the tour, she asked, "Are there anymore questions?" I swear all I heard was, "Ask me for my number. NOW!"

Ben: [Ok Ben, you can do this. Just say you might need her help in this fengshui stuff because you're refurnishing your room this weekend. Be cool but not cold, be suave but not too flirty, be funny but not too clownish.]
OG: ...
Ben: [Maybe it's too cheesy. How about, er...]
OG: ... so are there anymore questions?
Ben: [Wait, wait, I'm coming up with something.]
OG: ...
Ben: [Aaaah screw it. Just ask for her number. She's obviously into you.]
OG: ...
Ben: [OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT HER WITHOUT SAYING A WORD FOR 8 WHOLE SECONDS! Bail! Bail! She probably already thinks you're a freak.]
OG: ...
Ben: I er.. I have to now go. I mean go now! I need to go now. Friends calling.
OG: Ok, I'll see you around. (smile)
Ben: See you. *Turns to sprint away, trips on the carpet, falls face first*

I hate myself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Side note: Hearts & Lightbulbs Valentines Charity Event. Be there!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------