Monday, September 11, 2006

The Birds, The Bees & The Incestuous Mom

It's practically the first commandment in the book of Asian Parental Guidance; Parents are NEVER to speak to the young child about sex. The later they know about it, the better. But somewhere in that book is also a whole chapter dedicated to explaining the duty of a child to protect and carry on his/her family's name.

So if we're going to adhere to both the rules, seems like the only time an obedient asian child will ever learn about sex is if he's going to have one the day after. Interesting:

(A day before Ah Beng's 'Big Day')
Ah Beng: Mom, Ah Lian says I get to make love to her tomorrow. Problem is, I don't know how.
Asian Mom: Ok, I think I've evaded the topic long enough now. You're 42, you're an adult now. Here's some notes passed down from generation to generation.
Ah Beng: [Reads: "The Lim Dynasty's Guide To Having Sex"] [Chapter 1: So You've Got Your First Concubine] Isn't this a tad outdated?
Asian Mom: It's all the same. Now I want you to study the notes and tomorrow morning, you'll have sex with me.
Ah Beng: That's disgusting!
Asian Mom: Pardon the excitement. I mean, you'll get to practice on me.
Ah Beng: How is that different?!
Asian Mom: It isn't.

Hilarious and disturbing. But times have changed and I'm sure everyone has their own stories on how they first discovered about the birds and the bees (on their own!). Mine went something like this:

(Primary 6: Sipping down a drink with a friend in the canteen)
Friend: *Sip* *Sip*
Ben: *Sip* *Sip*
Friend: Hey, do you ever wonder why our wee-wees become hard when we see a pretty girl?
Ben: Hm.. I'll google it when I get back.
Friend: Ok. *Sip* *Sip*

Not the most interesting of stories though.

This post will be in the running for The Malaysian Blog Idol. A man can dream, can't he?



I remember having a conversation along those lines with you guys... well, actually; we pretty much blew the whole thing wide open being at the brink of adolescence and what-not...

Did google even exist back then?


Wilson, that 'friend' WAS you! :D Nah, the only search engine I knew about was "Yahooligans". I used google because it's practically a word now.

"I'll google you!"

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