Monday, July 23, 2007

Campus Life Rant

When you ask the undergrads here about how life is in campus, most of them would give you the same answer; "I wanna move out." Now truth be told, it isn't that bad in there. They have water, electricity and wireless internet connection. They have more than enough tennis, badminton, basketball and futsal courts in every college and even cafeterias with a variety of stalls to choose from.

So what makes more than 90% of the student population wanna rip their eyes out with each passing day of their campus lives? The silly rules, all 25 of them which include the ever popular:

- Undergrads are required to be back in their own rooms by 12am.

And if you do comply to all 25 of the rules, they might even change your diapers for you, buy you a big pacifier to suck on and read you a bedtime story. University, where undergrads are treated like adults. BAH! And there's no use protesting or being pissed because all the hostel staff is going to do is shake your wee-wee after you're done pissing and say things like, "It's protocol."

Do they even know what that means?! Next time a staff member says "It's protocol", I'm just gonna say to them, "It's unguchaka." and show them my pinky. They'll be so horribly confused that they'll start slapping themselves with their tongue. Yeah, they will be THAT confused.

Another thing that gets on my nerves is our security guards AKA, police-wannabes. Real policemen carry guns and batons. These guys carry a pen and a 555 book. Yet, they still want to act like they're the keepers of justice.

And they nab us for the most mediocre of offenses like "Oi, rambut panjang! Saman! Saman!" I mean seriously, does the sight of my long hair somehow give you cancer? Is contact of my hair on my collar contributing to global warming? Go use your saman-writing power to stop more dangerous criminals la like.. I don't know.. oxygen-stealing undergrads?

But I don't think they will be much of a use in a real emergency either. Imagine a robber kicking the down doors of our treasury office and yelling, "Give me all your money!" Then a security officer who happens to walk by would scream, "EH BUDAK!" then he reaches for his pocket and writes a saman for "vandalism" for the robber and skips merrily away.

Real policemen talk about the guns they are packing and criminal arrests they have under their belt. This brings up another question; What do the university security officers talk about?:

(In a kopitiam)

Officer 1: Check out my new pen.

Officer 2: Nice! What brand is it?

Officer 1: Kilometrico.

Officer 2: Aaaw! You badass!

I mean, what else?


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