The Prom Night

Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday will forever be known as the night I popped and locked on stage alone in front of 160 audience of UTM undergraduates.

Let's hit reverse for a second and I'll try to explain the events leading up to the incident. As you all might have known, yesterday was my first prom night I've ever attended. I've got my pants and shirt each ironed 4 times, my suede shoes all neatly polished, put on me enough deodorant to last a week and had my hair flooded with half a bottle of L'oreal web.

People, suffice to say I was READY for the night and rightfully so. See besides being my first prom ever, I also watched enough MTV to have me convinced I was going to hook up with a chick there. Who wouldn't want to look their best then?

Fast forward; prom night! I actually heard loud gasps when I entered the prom hall. Most of them couldn't believe it was me because I usually dress like shit around the faculty. Seriously, I pour bags of manure over myself before I go to lectures; poorly kept hair, dirty jeans and a shirt that has absorbed 2 days worth of sweat. Anyway, you think they would be nice enough to compliment me about my cool change of fashion sense. But these are my friends you're talking about:

"Ben, you didn't have to hire a stylist just to impress us. We love you just the way you are. -hugs-"
"So.. does the real Ben make you do his laundry too?"
"I thought the Oprah Winfrey makeover show was only for butt ugly women? ... Oh right."

This is payback for all the times I've insulted them. Karma's a bitch. After that I seated myself down and surveyed the entire hall. The women there ranged from HOT to REALLY HOT! So what if they're all in make-up? According to Normie's words of wisdom; 'There are no ugly girls, just lazy girls' and boy they were hardworking tonight.

Seeing them in their overkill make-up and dresses that reveal enough skin to make a monk jerk off, I quickly came to a conclusion that they were also as desperate as I am. Yipee! But that's when I examined further and realised they all had something attached to their hands. Their boyfriends. The bitches there were taunting me and I for one, do not like to be taunted!

But truth of the matter is, the entire prom night was taunting every single undergrads there. Because right after the buffet and karaoke (more on this later), there was one really shitty program that took place. The slow dance session, which lasted for a good half an hour. So while every couple (read: everyone) were slow dancing in the ballroom, single undergrads who attended including myself were made to feel cold, alone and insignificant for 30 whole minutes. I wanted to die.

So when they finally changed the songs to hip hop and r&b, I hopped out of my chair and RAN to the dance floor. The other single undergrads followed suit and soon enough, I was doing the macarena, limbo and running man all at the same time. Stress relief is good. As the song switched to PCD's Beep, Wanyean and I somehow made our way from the dance floor to the stage.

Now let me tell you that the stage was initially filled with 20 or so people. That of course was before Wanyean and I dared each other to do the most screwed up dance routine for the song. He did the six-steps, I did the driving man, he did the shuffle, I did a seductive lap dance. Wanyean can dance and I looked like an idiot beside him. That's when I lost it and started popping and locking like a robot and before you know it, the stage was quickly cleared. HOLY SHIT, I WAS ALONE ON STAGE POPPING AND LOCKING TO PUSSYCAT DOLL'S BEEP!

Apparently everyone on stage got so embarrassed by the way I danced (it was really bad) that they ran away from me. But the crowd was nice enough to cheer me on so I just did whatever that came to mind. I was making a fool of myself but it was FUN. The cha-cha, the staying alive, the macho man, the YMCA, you name it I did it! I'm glad I was sober (no, really) to remember all the details. We then adjourned to Eskimo, a club in JB to continue the party till the wee hours.

The karaoke: I took this part out from the main story so it wouldn't interfere with the flow of me being sad and lonely. So here's what happened. Halfway through the buffet, my coursemates and I were made to go on stage to sing Jay Chou's San Hu Hai. There were two microphones supplied for the entire group and guess where one of them landed. Muahahahaha!! Ask anyone who went to the prom that night and they'll tell you I sung so badly I made blood spew out of every orifice in their body. I rule!!

I neither hooked up nor met up with any single available girl. But it was still one hell of a night.

Pictures here. Videos here and here. Unfortunately, everyone was so into the 'happy hour' portion of the night that they forgot to record me dancing on stage. No worries though. Something tells me this won't be the last time I'm doing this.


Hell yeah!