Ladies, Engineering Won't Bite

Our third semester is starting very soon and I honestly cannot wait to get back to the repetitive schedules and tiresome lectures. Fine, I just can't wait to meet the juniors. Pleeeeaaaase let there be more girls this year!!

Oh you didn't know? Apparently, engineering isn't the most popular career path among women these days and hence the dissapointing number of female undergrads registered into our courses every single year. Take our batch for example; out of 73 undergrads enrolled into our mechanical engineering course, only 3 were female. And according to our seniors, the worst numbers in the faculty, ever.

It even came to a point where whenever we strolled pass the women's toilet at our faculty, we actually pointed our fingers and laughed at it. Yes, the scene here can get pretty desperate:

(A girl takes a step onto the faculty)

(100 metres away...)
Ben: Shhh, did you hear that?
Adrian: Yes.. *sniff* *sniff* I smell it too.
Ben: Come, we must hurry.
Adrian: Yes, we must.

I mean really, really, desperate:


My coursemate's latest Friendster bulletin

Come on ladies! Show us some pity, especially to him *points to the top*.

I Am Tired Of Being Alone

I miss being in a relationship. Yes, I know what you guys would say:

The just-got-in-a-relationship: I am so lucky! No no no, I mean WE are so lucky!
The just-broke-up: What's wrong with you?! Why?! Why would you want to put yourself through that kind of hell?!
The never-been-in-a-relationship: (While holding PlayStation controller) Wait, let me complete this level.

Funny thing is, I kinda envy those who had never been in a relationship before. At least they had never felt so abundant one day and then so hollow the next. At least they had never been brought up so high up into the clouds and then forced right back down to earth. At least to them, loneliness won't feel so... lonely.

But then you can always count on your friends to lend them their support, be it your girl-friends:

(SMSing)
June: Are you still single?
Ben: Yes, I am. Can recommend me some of your friends ah? Haha.
June: Cindy: 012-XXXXXXXX, Kelly: 016-XXXXXXXX, Bob: 019-XXXXXXXX.
Ben: I was kidding! ... Wait a minute, you have a girl-friend by the name of Bob?
June: Oops, too soon huh?
Ben: ...

or your guy-friends:

(Walks past a hot girl)
Ben: Woah, that chick is hot.
York: (Screaming) WHAT BENJAMIN SEW? YOU LIKE THAT *pointing* GIRL AH?
Ben: !!!

In both scenarios, I do have half the mind to grind myself a sharp knife, weld it onto a wall and run myself into it, repeatedly. ... It's in both scenarios too, that I realise I'm not really that alone after all.

The 3rd Rudest City In The World (Day 7)

Went pasar malam-ing at 4pm yesterday. I know, the sun is still up so technically it's not really a pasar malam, more like a pasar petang but then who calls them that anyway? It's day-ism I tell you. Come on, up with the picket signs and the thousand men march! Wait a minute, why can't it be the thousand women march? It's sexism I tell you! ...

The sun was scorching hot and you can see it in everyone's sweaty faces that they just want to finish their shopping quick and get the day over with. As my mum and I were making our way from stall to stall through the crowd, suddenly, right in front of our eyes, two men bumped into each other (shoulder to shoulder) rather violently:

(After bumping into each other)
Man 1: I'm so sorry.
Man 2: No, it's okay. I didn't see where I was going.
Man 1: On the contrary, I was the one who didn't see where he was going.
Man 2: To make up for it, let me buy you dinner.
Man 1: Oh but you are too kind.
Both: ...

(Man 1 & 2 proceed to lock lips)

Since the release of the recent Reader's Digest Survey, you'd think that is how people here would actually start acting just to prove the survey wrong. But sadly enough, this was what actually happened:

(After bumping into each other)
Man 1: Poookaaaii! Didn't you see where you were going?
Man 2: Hey, you shut the fuck up! It was so obvious that YOU had to move aside!
Man 1: So it's my fault now, huh?!
Man 2: Your fault that you were blind AND stupid? Yeah it is!
Man 1: You dare?! Come on, right here! Right now!

(Stares each other down and then walks away)

Just like how New York came up top on the list because, "Since 9/11, New Yorkers are more caring. They understand the shortness of life.", why can't this survey be like a wake up call to the KL-ites or to the Malaysians in general?

Feeling Sorry For My Ass

It has already been a week since I've been here in KL and I honestly can't remember the last time I've ever done so much sitting down in a 7 day period before. I feel sorry for my butt, I really do:

(One day..)
Ben's Ass: *Gasps for air* Damn it, it's about time you got up from the couch! Oh great, you're gonna take a nap. You know you gotta start.. *muffled sound*

(An hour later)
BA: *Gasps for air* You're awake! You know what you need? Sports! Basketball, football, swimming, I don't care. ... And you're walking to the couch ... you're not listening to me, are you? *muffled sound*

(An hour later)
BA: *Gasps for air* Please *cough* no more... What is this? You're walking out the door! Hurraaahhh!!! *Shakes booty left to right* ... Oh no, no, anywhere but there!

(Toilet door slams!)

TV, nap, shit. Lather, rinse, repeat. Yep, that pretty much sums up my whole week here in KL. I guess I would be doing the same things if I were to spend my semester breaks in Tawau but you know la, all the hype about the hustling, bustling KL city life, spending the entire day shopping and clubbing the night away at Zouk's...



Can't help but feel left out of the whole scene, no?

I Am Sepet

Here's a slightly exagerated scenario:

(Undergrads are all rowdy, lecturer walks in)

Lecturer: *SLAMS TABLE* Can't you see that your lecturer has entered?! You people don't even deserve being called undergrads! You all have no idea how lucky you are to be in this campus, no, even in this class! Now SIT DOWN!

(Undegrads quietly take their seats)

Lecturer: Now let's start off with today's lesson. *Notices my classmate sleeping* HEY YOU! Wake up!
Classmate: Huh? *Wipes drool of his face*
Lecturer: Does this lecture hall look anything like a bed to you?! What would your parents think if they saw you dozing off in class while they work their asses off to fund for your education?!

(Environment becomes tense. Ben pays more attention. Lecturer switches the lights off for a PowerPoint presentation.)

Lecturer: *Suddenly throws Ben a really mean look!*
Ben: ?
Lecturer: Right now at this very moment, YOU are officially the WORST human being in the world!
Ben: ??
Lecturer: It's not enough that I yelled at your classmate, now you?! *sigh* You know what, forget it. CLASS IS CANCELLED! *Walks off*
Ben: ???
The Whole Class: *Looks at Ben*
Ben: OMG! What?!

Apparently my small eyes and the fact that the lights were turned off made the lecturer think I was asleep. But I feel la, it's mostly the light's fault. Yeah...

I Bribed Kenny Sia

If you still haven't known yet, last week, I shamelessly nominated myself to be in the running for the Best Malaysian Blog Awards (No. 75) and Best Asian Humour Blog (No. 12). Ok, now I go jump into a river of pirahnas.

Haiya why not right? The awards thing only happens once every year and plus this site could use some good publicity. As long as my blog appears on the voting page, a click or two would be guaranteed. So to kinda seal the deal on the whole matter, I've decided to rasuah our very own Malaysian judge, Kenny Sia.


My rasuah letter (Click Image To Enlarge)

I sent the mail smiling. "He Malaysian, he will sure accept one!", I thought to myself. Then 5 days letter, the man himself replied:


Kenny Sia's reply to my rasuah letter (Click Image To Enlarge)

Not only did he NOT accept my bribe, he had the nerve to call my bribe proposal CUTE! Cute?! Imagine if:

(Ben got pulled over for speeding)
Police: Aku dah mau tulis saman ni..
Ben: Ok, ok. (Inserts RM5 into a random pamphlet and hands it over to the policeman)
Police: Haha, "cute nya". Ok la, aku tak saman engkau.
Ben: ...

(Ben going for a promotion)
Reviewer: Ben, it looks like you're the most likely candidate for the position of VP.
Ben: Thank you sir.
Reviewer: I wonder how we could be really sure you'd get the job.. Hm..
Ben: -Understood- I've only got RM5 on me right now.
Reviewer: Haha, you're cute.
Ben: No, I can get more this afternoon.
Reviewer: Oh you misunderstand, I think you're real cute. Come over my house tonight and we'll talk. *Licks lips*
Ben: ...

Oi, anyone can give me lessons of bribbing ah?

The Friend Who Got Neglected For Some Girl/Guy (Personal)

You know how it is, he/she could be your bestest best friend in the whole wide world. For the girls, you'd have those memorable slumber parties and for the guys, you'll always have those nostalgic alcohol parties. Both of which, you would share everything from intimate secrets to the most darkest fears. You two were inseperable!

Then in just a split second, *snap*, a pretty thing comes swooping down into the picture and flies off with your best mate. There you have it, the greatest story ever told. Then comes the million dollar question, who is to blame in this whole scenario?

Ayo so obvious. Of course it's the fella who walked off on his/her best friend la. He/she should be smart enough to divide time between the significant other and the friend ma! He/she shouldn't have left the friend high and dry for some fella he/she "loves".

For those who gave the above response, you obviously haven't been in a relationship before. See the thing about relationships is that we are instinctively self-taught that girlfriends/boyfriends should be more closer to you than a normal friend (or vice versa). So of course you would try to spend as much time as possible with your significant other and naturally start neglecting other forms of human contact.

"Wa you spend more time with me than your friends. I am so touched! Ok now you can touch me."

But when you both do start spending a huge amount of time together and have done all there is to do together, the monster called 'conflict' lurks its ugly head. "Duck! Here comes the consistent naggings and painful verbal assaults." Your life suddenly feels more like a teen drama series as a new argument seem to arise between you two every single week. THAT is when your best friend steps back in to offer his/her advice. And if all else fails and you're being dumped, THAT is when your best friend steps back in to pick you up from the gutter.

Let's look at this from the friend's perspective. If you can forgive your friend for leaving you and just offer to help him/her through his/her relationship or (i'm stressing this word, OR) after they break-up, you're only really choosing to strengthen your own relationship with your friend. So instead of turning your back on him/her, why not just be happy for them and always be willing to help?

My Dad, The Pensioner

My dad is a pensioner. Being a civil pensioner is great here in Malaysia. See after you retire, you'll get 50% of your last monthly pay every single month till the day you kick the bucket. Unfortunately, my dad ISN'T one :( He has been in the private sector all his life and now that he is retired without any monthly income, he is finding any chance he gets to tembak us on our expenditures.

"No! You can't have a handphone!"
"Have to start eating bubur already!"
"Why do you need an mp3 player for?!"
"How are you spending RM1000 per month?! Budget!"

So imagine how he reacted when he saw this outside the balcony:



Dad: Since when do we have four mops?!
Mum: One for balcony, one for living room, one for our room, another as a spare.
Dad: Why do we need four mops for four different areas? You think mop no need money one ah?!
Mum: Oh ya, why leh? *Scratches head*
Dad: *&^%$#*&@

I better graduate and start earning some income for this family quick before my mom buys herself four washing machines and gives my dad a stroke.

Driving Around Kay Elle

I've been doing some driving with my Dad around the PJ area yesterday to fetch my sister to school and to run some errands in an effort to familiarise myself with the KL roads. The only thing I got familiar with was this conversation:

Ben: Where is this place?
Dad: What?! You just came off this road 2 minutes ago!


-Headache-

Come on la, I'm a small town boy who is so used to driving in 2 lane roads which are rarely congested and not filled with motorcyclists swerving in and round traffic. Driving around was easy and less stressful. Over here, sudahlah got 4 lanes and always congested, dunno why must got so many roundabouts, bridges, flyovers, exits, tolls, waaaa! It's so easy to get lost here!

Driving around here would be so much easier with a radar or somekind, you know like this:


Gotta love them video games

Anyway, I must persevere. I am going to move around like those crazy KL taxi drivers by the end of this week! Watch me :)

Messing With My Baby Sister

In the living room, after dinner:

Ben: *loud fart*
Sis: ...
Ben: You didn't hear anything!

(...)

Sis: *sniff* *sniff*
Ben: You didn't smell anything either!
Sis: Can't believe I'm related to you.

Come on, we all love messing around with our younger siblings right? Or at least miss doing it :)

The Whites Will Always Be Better Than Asians Says Hollywood

To make up for my previous post (I can't act natural in front of a camera or a microphone) I am posting another topic today :)

I went to watch "Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift" yesterday (who in the Malaysian blogosphere didn't). My review? It was a fairly watchable movie. No real "Wow" factor in it. Haiya you know la the plot to me is like everything in a good movie. FF was literally throwing cars and babes directly at you to blind you from the shallow story line.

But what ticked me off the most about the movie was of course the 'great white protagonist defeat evil asian villain' plot. You know:

- White trash gets exiled off own country
- White trash ends up in an asian country
- White trash gets into a fight with the best asian driver/fighter/athelete
- White trash looses
- White trash learns EVERYTHING from a local elder in a montage
- White trash defeats the best asian driver/fighter/athlete
- White trash gets a statue of himself erected right in the middle of asian country

It happened in a lot of movies e.g. Karate Kid, The Last Samurai and this installment of Fast & Furious. What we asians take years to master, the whites (the worse bunch of them) can easily learn in a week. So fucking degrading, no?

My First Audio Post

My first attempt at audio blogging. To those who know how I really sound like in person, you are NOT allowed to view this post! God I hope I won't regret this. Enjoy:

When A Hungry Man Writes A Food Log

I've always wanted to write a food post like this and this. The camera lights reflecting the gravy that's oozing all over some scrumptious looking meat, damn artistic and yummy. So yesterday, when I had my 5 course dinner with my family at the Windmill, I brought along my camera to take a snapshot of the dish I'm having. This is what happened:

(Food arrives)
Ben: Food! *Bites* *Munch* *Burp!*
Ben: Oh ya, camera.


My charbroilled steak, you should have seen it.

I can't help it! I've never had western food in like 6 months! So I tried to set things right again when we went for a chinese restaurant dinner today:


Tiek Pan Tofu (upper left), Ling Mong Zhi (upper right) & Ma Yao Yu (middle). You should have seen them all.

How do you food loggers do it?!

Horse Riding In UTM

The results are in and guess what I got for my co-curricular activity next semester:


HORSE RIDING BABE!

Ben: Wanyean, I got equestrian (horse riding).
Wanyean: ...
Ben: I'm going to call my horse Wanyean.
Wanyean: ...
Ben: Then I'm going to ride it around your hostel.
Wanyean: ...
Ben: Round and round and round..

Next sem, I will look so damn cool riding like this!:

Come let's ride into the wind!

Wanyean pula hoping I'd end up doing this the entire sem:

Horsekeeping, Horseriding / Tomato, Tomatoh

But I doubt it. It's nice to see your friend Wanyean jealous isn't it?

Going Back To KL & Then Some

I'm finally going back to KUALA LUMPUR this Saturday! If everything goes according to plan of course. 19 days of lecturer-less, assignment-less, deadline-less semester break holiday, here I fucking cum! Oh.. oh.. *wipes crotch clean*

As exciting as it sounds, one reason makes me dread semester breaks; PACKING. To make matters even worse, we're moving hostels (3km away from previous one) next semester. So we each have to actually pack AND move about 6 boxes of clothing, books and more books before we return to our hometowns.

*Sigh* It's never smooth sailing over here in UTM so why bother getting all worked up about this one little thing, right?

On a slightly more happier note, this afternoon, after an entire day spent hunting for boxes (for packing), we went yam cha at McDs and this funny conversation came up:
(Don't know Adrian & Kim? Read the Characters post!)

Kim: How are you going to move your stuff tomorrow?
Adrian: My good roommate will help me one!
Ben: Yes, yes.
Kim: No Ben, forget your roommate. Think of your banana friend first, help me.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Adrian: Ah, then I don't fetch you (Ben) to faculty with my motorbike next sem.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Kim: Don't worry Ben, I got car.
Ben: Yes, yes.
Adrian: Ben, ben, you want food? *Makes clicking sound*
Ben: Yes, yes.

Oh look my self-dignity being run over by a four year old on a tricycle. Yes, yes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidedishes:
This Malay poem written by my friend Darlene is cool!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Local Undergraduates Losing Respect

When the first Malaysian university, Universiti Malaysia was founded, there was so much hype about it. Even high school students who managed to further their studies there were given the title, Mahasiswa or Great Undergraduate. You were really treated like adults. You were allowed to do your researchs and roam the campus as you please. Education was fun and carefree. Back then, it was great to be a Great Undergraduate.

As the years pass, the term Mahasiswa was downgraded to just Siswa or Undergraduate. I mean it's understandable right? One reason is that entries into local universities are getting easier because scoring As in SPM or STPM is becoming a piece of cake. So much so that it isn't whether you could score As, it's how many As you can actually score. What's the most recent one? 17As? Siao.

Another reason is that some students who feels that the Malaysian education are holding them down prefer to further their studies abroad. Students who know what's good for them and dare to change, there goes our real futures of tomorrow. To rub even more salt into the wound is the introduction of matriculation colleges letting any tom, dick and harry gain easy entry into our local Malaysian universities.

The quality of local undergrads have greatly deteriorated over the years and the university staff knew that. That is why they are starting to control their undergrads with all kinds of silly restrictions and curfews. Adult privilege? HA HA FUCKING HA! Just recently, I found out that we don't even deserve the title, Siswa anymore.


Pelajar of course means Students

I will not be suprised if 10 years from now we would all be forced to stand up in attention and greet the lecturer, "Selamat Pagi Profesor" during the start of every class. Then he'd sit us down, "Murid-murid, sila duduk". Yes, murid-murid.

Betting On World Cup

Betting during the World Cup is like Mahathir lashing out Badawi's reign; they are both are sure bound to happen. I for one haven't betted on any matches yet. Actually, I don't think I'm ever gonna because I'm that guy who thinks that Roy Keane is still captaining Manchester United and Gabriel Batistuta is still playing for Argentina. But my friends did:

(After the japan/aussie game)
Ahmeng: Hahaha! RM10 babe!
Kim: Nooooo!
Ahmeng: Want to bet on the czech/usa match?
Kim: Don't want! You cheat me one!
Ahmeng: *Wide grin*

(Meanwhile in another room)
Friend: Stupid Jap morons! What were they doing?!
Ben: Let me guess, you betted too.
Friend: Yala! No worries, I'll try to win them back on the czech/usa game. Please don't tell my mum about all this ok.
Ben: How much did you lose?
Friend: 2 packs of maggi!
Ben: Hah...

(A few minutes later)
Ahmeng: I have a problem la Kim.
Kim: What?
Ahmeng: I just don't know..
Kim: ...
Ahmeng: what to do with your RM10! WAHAHAHA!!
Kim: AAARRRGGHHH!!

Gotta love them World Cup after-shows :)


The Characters post updated!

Undergraduates & Parking Spaces

It pisses me off that undergraduates are given a parking lot like 1km away from the faculty when the staff gets a parking lot right in front of their offices.



I mean, I wouldn't mind if they really mean it is for kaki and tangan only:


A really screwed up parking lot

But seriously, give us a break. We deserve those car parks in front of the faculty as much as you guys do. Starting and ending the day with a long tiring walk isn't exactly study-conducive.


Pity us...

Starbucks Can Make You Gila

Just a while ago, halfway through my frappucino in Starbucks, I suddenly heard screams coming from behind me (my back of course facing the entrance). At first I didn't care too much to look since it is a Sunday and parents with their noisy kids are probably crawling all over Jusco.

The scream at one point seemed to be continous. Curious, I took off my headphones and turned around to have a look. Ack! There, I saw a poorly dressed crazy man shouting gibberish at the Starbucks baristas! Instead of being scared, the patrons including myself, found it amusing and smiled all the way.

I bet everyone was imagining what Starbucks did to make him cuckoo.

(Cuts to dream sequence)

Here's a man desperately trying to make ends meet while supporting 3 kids and an alcoholic wife. One day, he stumbles upon this nice looking coffeeshop.

Man: I would like a cup of coffee please.
Barista: That will be RM10.
Man: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!! *His wife dies of alcohol poisoning, all his kids runs away from home*

From then onwards, he would pay a visit to Starbucks every single day and by screams and shouts, he would tell them how they made his life so worthless.

And every night you would see him under the old bridge, squatting there with his arms tightly clutched around his legs. He gently rocks himself to sleep while staring hard at the RM10 coffee he so nicely bottled, hoping that someday.. someday..

(Ends dream sequence)

I bet we all go a little crazy when we pay for that RM15 frappucino. Don't you?

Some Who Find World Cup 2006 Uninteresting

Trying to follow the World Cup 2006 event from inside UTM is hard what with the 12am curfew and all. Lucky for us, Kim has a TV Card. Unfortunately for us, Kim, the game nut, doesn't like football.

(11.45pm)
Ahmeng: World Cup, World Cup! Going to start already oh Kim!
Kim: Wait, let me complete my Diablo mission first.
Ahmeng: (Rips off Kim's cd-rom and throws it off the window) WORLD CUP!!
Kim: (Rips off Ahmeng's eyeballs from its sockets) MY GAME!!

Me, I'm not really that crazy over the whole football thingy either. I love to play football, no doubt about that, even more so when I came here to UTM. But when it comes to watching 22 millionaires running up and down a field chasing after a measly ball, well that's an entirely different story.

(During the Germany/Costa Rica game)
Ben: I am sooooo bored. How long has it been?
Ahmeng: 60 minutes.
Kim: Aiyo, I could've completed 2 quests already!
Ahmeng: You typical asian gamer nerd.
Ben: I could've written 2 long posts on my blog already!
Ahmeng: You typical asian blogger geek.
Ben & Kim: ...

People who don't enjoy watching the World Cup are so uncool.