Normie and Lilian were in town yesterday so we decided to meet up for supper. They lived pretty nearby so they offered to fetch me from my home. Now back in my small hometown, 'nearby' meant less than a kilometer:
And so it begins. Exams are all finally over and it is time for me to enjoy my (not very) well deserved one month break back at home. This of course, is good news mentally but very bad news physically:
A month ago, I stumbled upon an article that explained the negative effects of carbonated drinks. I have read several articles before regarding a similar topic but I thought it was all nonsense, plus I REALLY loved Coke & Pepsi. This particular article was a lot more detailed than anything I've ever read before, it was actually an eye-opener. From that day on, I actually quitted soft drinks.
The first week was hell. I mean, I had no problems refraining from a can of coke at kopitiams and mamak stalls but imagine not having soft drinks, at fast food restaurants.
But I persevered and 30 days later, I am proud to say that I have not sipped a single drop of any carbonated drink, and I never will. -the end-
...
WHAT?! YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?! ... me neither:
(At Burger King, today)
Cashier: Good afternoon. Having here?
Ben: Yep, having here. I'll take set number 5.
Cashier: Anything else?
Ben: Oh yeah, could I have a bottle of mineral water instead of the coke?
Cashier: That's an extra RM1, sir.
Ben: [FUCK NO!] Give me the coke.
Yep. 29 days I've been religiously changing my order of coke/pepsi to a bottle of mineral water at fast food outlets, and it only took just that one hint of chinese blood in me to reconvert. At least now I have an answer to that famous rhetorical question, "How much is your health worth to you?".
It is no secret that I love to dine at fast food chains. KFC, McD, A&W, bring em' all on! I just like it how all the waiters/waitresses seem to have gone through SMILE 101 classes. Plus, they take your order in English and they have your food prepared fairly quickly. Suffice to say that I like fast food franchises because it feels like being in a western country.
Of course, not all waiter/waitresses there are smiley and quick. I'm talking about the ones who just started, the in-trainings. Yes, I do understand that everyone has to start from somewhere but these newbies just ruin it for me. Wrong orders, forgotten orders, slow as hell service, overcharged receipt and worst of all, no English. It makes me feel like I'm back in my own country.. if that makes any sense.
Now this conversation here is a combination of my intense prejudice against newbie fast food waiters and er... my deteriorating Malay:
(At the KFC counter)
Ben: [I'll have the dinner plate today. No wings and no drumstick.]
Waitress: Selamat petang. Makan sini atau take-away?
Ben: [Stunned, was expecting English.] Oh er.. makan sini. Dinner plate satu.
Waitress: Apa?
Ben: Dinner plate!
Waitress: Oh, berapa?
Ben: SATU!
Waitress: Oh.. [asks the supervisor] Eh cam mana key-in dinner plate?
Ben: [NEWBIE ALERT!]
Waitress: Ada lagi?
Ben: [Crap, how do I say wings and drumstick in Malay?]
Waitress: Itu saja?
Ben: Ada lagi, saya tak mau kepak dan.. tak mau ayam.
Waitress: Apa?
Ben: Tak mau kepak dan tak mau ayam!
Waitress: Apa?!
Ben: [Stupid newbie damn blur!]
Waitress: Tak faham la.
Ben: Ok dengar baik baik. DINNER. PLATE. SAYA. TAK. MAU. KEPAK. DAN. TAK. MAU. AYA-
I have had my fair share of embarrassing episodes. The latest one being, "The one where Ben announced to the waitress in front and 4 other people back in line that he didn't want chicken in his KFC chicken plate".
I was always under the impression that matchmaking was only meant for people in their early 30s who have a less than successful love life:
(At Jusco)
Ling: I want you to meet a friend of mine. She's around here somewhere.
Ben: Why would I want-
Ling: Oh here she comes. Hey Karen!
Karen: Hey Ling!
Ling: This is Ben.
Karen: Hello Ben!
Ben: Er.. hi.
(After a minute of chatting, she had to go)
Karen: See you later, ok?
Ling: Sure, see ya! (Turns to Ben) I have her friendster account, her e-mail and her phone number. How do you want to attack?
Ben: ...
That happened last week. This one happened yesterday:
Apparently, 22 is the new 30.(While having supper)
Lilian: Ben, I have a friend.
Ben: Yeah?
Lilian: She's studying in KL and she's kinda like you. I think you two would really hit it off.
Ben: But-
Lilian: I'll contact her. You both can meet during the holidays, ok?
Ben: I.. think so.
Lilian: Perfect!
I was never a superstitious lad but last week during my English exam, I was seated in the most ominous of tables:
I thought of turning studying into a movie DVD. First, like any good movie, I would need to have a strong plot structure:
There's this stereotype going on around that gamers don't care too much for girls. Just like all generalisations though, it's total bullshit:
(In a cybercafe, through in-game chat)
Wanyean: Ben, there's a hot girl sitting right beside you!
Ben: I know!
Wanyean: I can't concentrate.
Ben: YOU can't concentrate?! You're sitting opposite her but she's sitting right BESIDE me!
Wanyean: Dear hot chick. I wish you'd look at me that way~ Your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine~
Ben: Oh dear god.
Wanyean: Baby to you all I am~ is the invisible man~
Ben: Your character just died.
Wanyean: Damn it!
And just when we thought that was the end of it:
Ben: Wanyean.
Wanyean: What?
Ben: Her hand grazed mine.
Wanyean: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!
Ben: Heheh.
Wanyean: I can't take~ seeing you with him~ coz I know exactly what you'll be~ in his gallery~
Ben: Your character died again.
Wanyean: Damn it!
Well, not all stereotypes are false. It's still very true that guys can't multitask.
Yesterday night, Kim and I planned to go out for a movie. The others initially did not want to follow:
(Getting ready to leave the house)
Ben: Ok let's go.
Kim: Now?
Ben: Yeah.
Kim: WE'RE GOING OUT!
Ben: ... why are you shouting?
Kim: Nothing.
Normie: (opens door) What? You're going out now?
Ben: Yep.
CK: (opens door) Hah? Now?! I'M FOLLOWING YOU DOWNSTAIRS!!
Ben: Sigh, you are all always like that. So do you guys want to go watch the movie with us or not?!
CK & Normie: Er.. yes.. no..
Ben: ...
We were going to watch the thriller "30 Days of Nights" and time wasn't on our side. The other guys in their usual fickled minded self were not helping at all.
(Everyone follows Ben downstairs)
Ben: So do you guys want to go or not?
Others: We don't know.
Ben: Fine, I'll take that as a NO. Hold on Kim, I'm gonna go wash my hands in the kitchen first.
Others: CANNOT!
Ben: Er, okay. I'll just go use my own bathroom upstairs.
Others: NO!
Ben: Fine, I'll use the pipes outside.
Others: NO!
Normie: Just.. you know, stand there.
Ben: ... WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! WHY ARE YOU ALL GATHERED AROUND ME AND TELLING ME TO STAY PUT?!
Normie: Ok, kill the lights.
It was then that Adrian came out from the kitchen with a cake:
Adrian: Happy..~
Others: birthday to you~
Crap, I did not see that coming at all :D
It's the weekend and it's my birthday. I should be ecstatic. Unfortunately, today will be forever known as the birthday I spent doing my last minute 20-page assignment. Serves me right for putting it all off till today, of all days:
I was shopping with June at Jusco yesterday night when:
(At the hygiene department.)
Ben: Hmm, maybe I should restock on my body soap.
June: Oh? What do you use?
Ben: Shokubutsu.
June: I need to restock on my facial cleanser too. Hey, what do you use for your face?
Ben: Shokubutsu.
(Storm clouds gather)
June: WHAAAATT?!! YOU USE BODY SOAP ON YOUR FACE?!
Ben: Well urm, yeah.
June: DO YOU THE AMOUNT OF DESTRUCTION A BODY SOAP CAN CAUSE TO YOUR FACIAL SKIN?!
Ben: I..
June: OMG, JUST THINKING OF THE ALKALINE AND THE PEELING AND THE... AAARGGGHH!!
Ben: It really isn't that bad.
June: Come with me. We're getting you a proper facial cleanser!
I didn't know that telling a girl that I was using body soap on my face was equivalent to stabbing a steel cross into a vampire. June became all hysterical and started yelling gibberish at me while we spent an hour looking around Jusco, Guardian and Watsons for my facial cleanser. Actually, June was the one who did all the searching. I just followed her around like a lap dog while obediently nodding to every single statement she makes about the importance of proper facial skin care.
Apparently unlike body soaps, there isn't a one-for-all type of facial wash product e.g. oily skin, sensitive skin, thick skin and etc. I have always stuck to the idea that skin is just what it is, one layer of organ where only one type of soap is needed to clean it. I was wrong again, as usual. When June finally found the right facial cleanser for me, I was relieved that it was finally all over:
(At Watsons)
June: Ah, finally we found it. Now promise me that you're not going to use your body soap for any other parts of your body!
Ben: Well, sometimes when I run out of shampoo...
June: ...
And so began round 2. I have got to learn to keep my mouth shut.
I have never celebrated Halloweens before mainly because it doesn't really have a specific theme. For kids, it means going around houses trick and treating, for guys, it's a reason to dress up as their favourite superheroes, for girls, it's a valid reason to dress up skimpily, and for full grown adults, well, it means nothing at all.
For me, I always thought that Halloween is the one day that anyone could go around scaring the crap out of random people on the streets late at night:
I went to my first Bon Odori held in Johor Bahru yesterday. I was actually very reluctant to go because one, I don't speak Jap and two, I am not a huge fan of the Japs. Their punctuality and constant demand for utmost respect intimidates me (shows what type of person I really am).
But since there really isn't anything for me to do during that Saturday afternoon, I thought I might as well take the time to learn a thing or two about the Japanese culture. The event started off with speeches given by a Japanese representative and a Malaysian politician. It was very clear what each of the country wanted through their scripts:
Japanese representative: Bilateral relationship. Strengthen brotherhood between Japanese and Malaysians. Work together. Foster ties.
Malaysian politician: Attract investors. Money. Invest. Money. More money.
So much for subtleness. After that, came the "Mochitsuki" Rice Cake Making demonstration where a crowd of almost 100 people gathered around to watch 5 Japanese dudes,
The Bon Odori wasn't so much a showcase of the Japanese culture but more of a mini Japanese food bazaar. I myself bought RM15 worth of snacks that afternoon. Sigh, there goes my 'two meal a day only' rule. I am aware that I'm starting to sound like a chick now.
Speaking of chicks, the main attractions that afternoon were really the Japanese girls in Yukatas. At least they looked Japanese. Mak took pictures with some of the girls and sadly enough out of the 4 pictures he snapped with them, only one was an authentic Jap. The others were.. buatan Malaysia:
(Mak approaches a Yukata girl)
Mak: Hello. Picture? Shashin? *points to the his camera*
Yukata girl: Ah. Ok. Ok.
(Snaps a picture)
Mak: Thank you! Er.. arigato!
Yukata girl: *smile*
Mak: Hey Ben, don't you want a picture with the Japanese girl?
Ben: Where?
Mak: That one. *points to the Yukata girl*
Yukata girl (sees a friend): Wa so long never see you already la. Later after this we must go yam cha!
Mak: ...
Ben: Where?
Mak: Shut up.
Then came the main event, the Bon Odori dance where all the girls in yukatas will be vying for the title 'Miss Yukata 2007' by dancing off around the centre stage. I liked how they used the term 'dance off' like the yukata girls will be squaring off against each other to the beat of Show Me The Money by Petey Pablo. My imagination got the best of me and before I knew it, I convinced myself that I was going to see the girls popping and locking and doing handstands in their yukatas on stage.
Reality came crashing like a ton of bricks. The 'dance off' is really just 60 yukata girls dancing to some traditional Japanese folk music while slowly circling the stage.
The girls were then shortlisted into 10 and they are to undergo another round of slow dance. I just thought it was a neat idea to round up all the pretty yukata girls and make them parade in circles so us guys can gawk at each one of them.
We never stuck around for round two because it was held late at night. All in all, it was a pretty ok event. It certainly beats rotting at home.
After watching Hairspray for the 8th time on my computer, it is pretty obvious that I have developed a new-found affinity for song-oriented movies. For the record, I never did like any musicals before this. It's just that the very idea of a person breaking into song and dance at whim and expecting everyone in his/her vicinity to suddenly turn into professional dancers is rather.. absurd:
(Scene: 7AM. Ben walks out of the front gate.)
Ben: (Sings) Oh it's such a beautiful morning~
Adrian: (Sings) Unlike yesterday's mourning~
Ben: (Sings) And it's such a great chance for the neighbours to come out and daaaaaaance!~
Neighbour: OI, ORANG MAU TIDUR AH! DIAM LA!
I guess I blame Bollywood for instilling this intense hatred for musicals in me. Every weekend afternoons since I could remember, my mom would tune into some Hindi or Tamil movie which we all know, consists of a lot of singing, a lot of dancing and a lot of bad acting. The storyline is also painfully predictable:
1. Poor boy meets rich girl. Singing follows.
2. Rich girl falls in love with poor boy. Singing follows.
3. Rich girl's parents disapprove of their love. Parents lock the rich girl up. Singing follows.
4. Rich parents sends their 'henchmen' to fight off the poor boy and the girl is moved around India. Singing follows.
5. Ben marches away from the TV set in protest but comes back an hour later, curious of how the 3 hour movie ended.
6. Rich girl and poor boy reunites. Singing follows.
7. Ben should have known.
Though Hairspray was no different in terms of the repetitive singing and dancing, at least the storyline was feasible PLUS they sing and dance in the same backdrop. Unlike Bollywood films where the hero and heroine AND the entire ensemble of 100 dancers are seen teleporting from their small town in India to the Himalayas and then to the Alps and then to Hawaii. Oh and the Hairspray casts also do not switch their wardrobes 5 times in one song session.
I know it sounds cheesy but Hairspray has definitely cured me of my phobia towards musicals.
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Sidenote: It's a week before the finals and I can totally relate to this post.
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A one week break can seriously destroy however much study mood you had accumulated before the holidays. Same goes for one's attentiveness in class:
(During lecture)
Ben: *Grabs a protractor*
Mak: ...
Ben: I am Wolverine! Swish! Swish!
Mak: Well you don't have the claws. You definitely don't have the body AND you can't heal quickly.
Ben: What's your point?
Mak: You're not wolverine. You're just a fat boy with a protractor in his hands.
Ben: -GASP- ... ta-da! See I AM wolverine.
Mak: I don't get it.
Ben: I have the ability to heal emotionally really quickly.
Mak: You're stupid.
Ben: -GASP- ... ta-da again!
I hope I'll completely snap out from this phase in time for my finals (2 more weeks).
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