Try ignoring the obvious rage in this audio post. Ok feed readers, it's time to visit my site again.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Lantern Festival Bashing
Try ignoring the obvious rage in this audio post. Ok feed readers, it's time to visit my site again.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Single Forever
(During lecture)
Mak: What is the lecturer talking about?!
Adrian: No idea.
Mak: Ben, I have to ask you something.
Ben: I don't know either. The lecturer is talking too fast.
Mak: Actually I wanna ask if you have any female friends who has a bubbly personality and speaks Cantonese. I'm 21 and I need a girlfriend.
See what I mean. Anyways, the lecture was getting boring so I thought I'd play along:
I'm not asking too much right?Ben: I do have one.
Mak: PERFECT! Give me her number.
Ben: Hey, you gotta return the favor first.
Mak: Like a trade? Fine, what do you look for in a girl?
Ben: Hold on.
(...)
Ben: Here. (hands a piece of paper)
Mak: (Reads)
1. Pretty but not too pretty.
2. Shorter than me but not too short.
3. Smart but not too smart.
4. Talkative but not too noisy.
Mak: ...
Ben: So is there anyone?
Mak: Let me put it this way Goldilocks, you're gonna be receiving money for many Chinese New Years to come.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
At Least He Understood Me
Now, even my most 'Chinese' of Chinese-educated friends speak to me in English. Bah. The only time I do speak Mandarin is when I'm ordering food and god knows that isn't enough to even improve my pronunciations:
Someone speak to me in Mandarin!!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I Rode A Motorcycle!
Now here's the catch; I don't have a motorcycle license nor have I ever ridden one before. Ok fine, it's not so much as a catch but more of a.. disability. I don't own a motorcycle license now because back then, I was rushing to complete my car license so I could start driving my mum's wira.
No doubt that I'm regretting every single minute of it now that I am stranded here in Skudai without a car that I can drive and with a motorcycle that I can't ride. That all changed today when Adrian offered to give me some motorcycle riding lessons! He conveniently divided the lesson into two parts:
(Theory)
Adrian: The accelerator is over here, the light switch is over here and the signal lights are over there. Have fun.
Ben: Are you sure that is all?
Adrian: Yep I'm sure.
Ben: Ok...
Adrian: Hold on! The horn is over here.
Ben: You were gonna send me off without telling me where the horn is?!
Adrian: I'm so sorry.
(Ben revs up engine, gets ready to take off)
Adrian: Oh ya, the brakes are over there.
And of course:
I did pretty ok on my first day. I managed to circle the entire neighbourhood and not kill myself. Truth be told, I couldn't possibly crash even if I wanted to because I kept confusing the brakes as the accelerator. I was actually slamming the brakes everytime I want to go faster. Silly me, I know.(Practical)
Adrian: GOT CAR! GOT CAR!
Ben: Where?!
Adrian: THERE! *points*
Ben: But it is two blocks far..
Adrian: Early warning.
Ben: .. and it's driving away from me.
Adrian: Just be careful.
Here's the full-length version. It was already halfway through the lessons:
Monday, September 17, 2007
A Trip To Lovely Lace
(In Lovely Lace)
Ben: Adrian, I am very uncomfortable with this place. It's all girly and...
Kim: PINK! THIS WHOLE PLACE IS PINK!
Ben: That and Kim is getting hysterical. Just quickly pick a doll and let's get out of here.
Adrian: Hold on. I'm looking for something.. perfect.
I'll never get why girls love pink so much. Guys would freak out if they woke up in a pink room and here we are walking into one.
(CK taps Ben from behind)
Ben: What?
CK: After walking around this store, I realised one thing.
Ben: Yeah?
CK: Everything in this place is useless to guys. The owner must be a feminist bitch.
Ben: Adrian, CK already thinks this place is sexist. PICK SOMETHING!
Soft toys, earring holders, musical boxes, and more soft toys. The only thing guys would ever think of using in this store is the exit. CK's got a point.
(Adrian finally finds something)
Adrian: What do you think? *shows a soft toy dog*
Ben: Cute. How much is it?
Adrian: RM99.
Ben: For a soft toy doggy?!
(Kim slaps Ben)
Ben: I mean, wow, nice. Take it.
Adrian: But one of its eyes are covered. See.
Ben: Just trim it la when you get back.
Adrian: It's a little dusty too.
Ben: I have a hair dryer at home.
Adrian: And...
Ben: What else?! You wanna know if it has already taken its shots ah? Scared it will kena hepatitis A & B is it?! JUST BUY THE DAMN THING!
The salesgirl had a good laugh with us in the store. And yeah, Adrian got the damn dog.
On Stage Nightmare
Finally, it is all over!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Emcee Duties (Personal)
"Good evening everyone!" When I uttered those words, my hands shook so hard I was actually vibrating. I was afraid that if I completed my introduction, I would have already drilled a hole right through the stage. It would be good anyway since I would have somewhere to hide when I wet my pants.
I do still get stage frights but I am certainly a lot less dramatic about it. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Understanding A Promoter
Now, each of the committee members are required to take turns promoting the event at the faculty booth. Basically, we're handing out fliers, explaining to our faculty students what the event is all about and if possible, get them to sign up for it. I have never done promotional work before but backed with some very minimal public speaking skills I was pretty confident, at first:
(First try)
Ben: Hey there! Would you be interested..
Student: No no no. *walks away quickly*
I immediately froze and that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks, I am a PROMOTER! The kind of person I grew up to despise because of their pushiness and persistence and especially because of their 'say anything to get you to buy their product' attitude. There I was, one of... them.
I felt like shit but I picked myself up and quickly went up to another student:
(Second try)
Ben: Hey, we're having a seminar this Su...
Student: *Walks away, ignoring Ben*
Now I'm suicidal. I was gonna papercut my wrist with the fliers I have in my hands and just die there. For some reason, I felt that it was far less embarrassing to bleed to death in front of 100 people as compared to being rejected by just one person. After all, it won't really matter when I lose my first liter of blood.
That's when someone quickly stopped me:
(Without trying)
Student: Uuuh, what are you guys promoting?
Ben: My reason for suicide.
Student: What?
Ben: Oh no, I mean. We're having a seminar this Sunday.. yada, yada, yada.
After I got him to sign up, I was overjoyed but confusion quickly followed. If it's one thing humans can easily sense, it's desperation. So should I just sit at the counter and wait for people to come? Or should I just keep quiet and hand out fliers? Or should I be more selective of the students I'm promoting this event to?
Alas, Kim and I only managed to get 10 people to sign up in 3 days. Not bad considering that the total participants is only 43. Apparently, students are allergic to the word, "seminar". Promotional work isn't easy and my salute goes out to all you thick-skinned sales promoters. I promise to smile the next time I say no :D
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Le Cockroach
Ben: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! *jumps on the bed*
Kim: Hey, it's just a tiny cockroach la.
(The cockroach flies to Kim's bed)
Kim: AAAAAAAHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
CK (runs into the room): What happened? What happened?
Kim: There's a cockroach on my bed! Look!
CK: Catch it la.
Kim: Be my guest.
CK: And you call yourself a man. *grabs a tissue paper and slowly approaches the cockroach*
(The cockroach suddenly jumps away and starts flying around the room.)
CK: AAAAAAHHHH!!
Kim: IT'S COMING! IT'S COMING!
Ben: AAAAAHHHH!!
Adrian (from next door): Oi, shut up la! What's with the commotion?!
Ben: Cockroach!
Adrian: *quickly runs into his room and shuts his door*
(Few minutes later, CK finally caught hold of the pest)
Ben: Now what are you gonna do with it?
CK: I'm gonna throw it out YOUR window.
Ben: No don't come nea... AAAAAAHHHHH!!
CK: Faster move away, it's slipping!
Kim: AAAAAHHH!!
CK: *throws the cockroach away*
I did extra push ups that day to regain my man points.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Interact Club. Form 6 Memories. (Personal)
Here's the link again. The website is a little hard to navigate through because the font colour on the right kinda blends in with the background colour (my bad, I was the webmaster). Just highlight the navigation links for a clearer view. Oh and regarding the angry and mostly bitter entries, er.. teenage angst.
P/S: Check out the 'Members' link for a thinner, slimmer picture of me :D
Thursday, September 06, 2007
A Short Sketch
Our lecturer then unhinged his jaw and left it hanging there for a few seconds. We thought we did pretty well.(Scene: 3 friends stumble upon a small cave.)
Kim: Guys, I want to see what's in there!
Adrian: Ok we'll help.
(Adrian & Normie proceeds to carry Kim and insert him horizontally into the 'cave')
Kim: Oh no guys. Stop. STOP!
Adrian: What's wrong?
Kim: The cave is so full of dirt!
Ben (leaps into the scene): Wait. You'll need this. *puts a plastic bag over Kim's head*
Kim: I do? Ok.
(Adrian & Normie inserts Kim into the cave again)
Kim: Wow, exploring this dirty cave feels so clean with this plastic bag over my head! It's so clean, I think I'm gonna go in and out the cave quickly and repetitively. Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ben: Durex. Play clean. Play safe.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The Movie That Gave Me A Migrane
I thought the movie was interesting because there were A LOT of plot twists and of course, the fight scenes. On that note, there were some things that bugged me about the movie:
1. The co-star, Jason Statham is a nobody.
2. Devon Aoki's character did not kick any ass.
3. Unnecessary change in camera angles.
Number 3 takes the cake as I almost puked halfway through the movie. Who knows, maybe the directors thought it would be cool to rapidly change the camera angles every 0.5 seconds during a fight scene. I'm telling you guys right now, it's not. They even used that stupid effect on something as simple as picking up an object on the floor:
It's a good movie but it could have been a lot better by being a lot less annoying. I'm just waiting for "Bourne Ultimatum".